The thought occurs to me that "Cast Away" reflects what people who knew me thought had happened to me in 1986. I can’t quite remember it all, but I am quite certain this is an important clue. I think after they learned I was still alive, of those that didn’t know a lot about my military activities, they were told that I had washed up on an island somewhere, perhaps in the Pacific, and I had been living on that island all that time until I found a way back.
I am quite certain that my symbolic and artificial memories of a friend name Julie driving me home from the hospital actually represent how I met Julia Roberts. I have been thinking that I was in the hospital for a while after I returned from my grueling 15 months lost on the continent of Africa, trying to get home after being shot down by anti-aircraft fire on 2/14/1986. In my symbolic memories, a friend named Julie drove me and I was still limping around and she was looking out for me for a while. I “remember” when she went grocery shopping for me. I think in reality, those artificial “memories” reflect that Julia Roberts drove me home from the hospital and we started dating. The birthday listed for Julia Roberts indicates she was born 5 months, 9 days, after 5/1/1967, the day I recognize as when I first flew a jet aircraft by myself at the age of 8 years. I was 8 years, 59 days, old on 5/1/1967.
I think she drove me home from the hospital and that is why the "Dr. Crusher" character in "Star Trek: The Next Generation" had red hair. That series began running a few months after I returned. I am thinking those events with me being in the hospital after almost losing my leg from the wound from being hit by a cleaver knife during my escape had something to do with why she had that role in the 1991 movie, “Dying Young.” I don’t know what my recovery was like though. The storyline of course doesn’t match my condition. It could just be a vague connection that only means something to the two of us. More of an emotional connection between us. Perhaps it reflects that I was stupid to let her get away. It is frustrating that I can’t consciously remember. And I have to lose all these people all over again, to various degrees although some of them I can still have as friends, but others have died since I have been gone. But I will have to relive all of it when it comes back to my conscious memory. I feel as though I have a lot more good memories to outweigh the bad memories, but I certainly have a lot of bad memories to have to go through. There are a lot of really good memories that I want back though. They are all still there in my mind; I just can’t see them. I can feel them, but I can’t see them. I can feel that it is worth it. I just can actually see those memories in the conventional sense.
But I am also highly irate that I have been deployed in this condition for almost 9 years. NINE YEARS! That fact is the best illustration of just how I have been targeted by the worst of the worst. Everything you have observed in relation to me has been the work of terrorists trying to steal my intellectual property, at a minimum. There are other factors, such as revenge and greed. I think this has gone on for so long because I was betrayed by people in my organization that we didn’t expect to betray me. When you lose your private life, you never get it back. There will never be a room that I sit in by myself that I will not think there are hidden cameras and microphones listening to me. Maybe it was like that for me before, I don’t know, but I hate it. They have cameras on me every goddamned inch of my regular path along the city streets. They watch to see what radio station I am listening to. They can guess which station I am listening to by my facial expressions. They watch to see if I laugh when they make a joke. The timing gives them clues that I am listening to that station. They can also guess which one I am listening by when I switch channels because that means I switched channels when a commercial began playing. They probably determined the pre-sets on my radio. They might be able to do that with the one I use now because I plug it into my internet-connected computer. When I was using the one in the homeless shelter, they would have somebody examine it when I left it out in my cubicle.
So anyway, I don’t remember much about that movie, “Dying Young” although I do remember that I watched it at one time. But it may be that my memory of watching that movie is artificial itself. I am thinking that after I underwent the medical procedure to suppress my real memories from conscious awareness, I was given new, artificial memories by watching videos and viewing photos. That seems to be the basis of all my artificial memories. They all seem to be still images. So anyway, that movie, “Dying Young” was probably one they showed me during that process of creating my artificial memories. Or I could be remembering when I actually watched that movie before my memories were suppressed. I just don’t know at this point.
I don’t know why Julia Roberts and I would have broken up. Maybe it was because every time I turned around, someone was trying to blow me up. I don’t know. But I am quite certain she is the woman I remember in my artificial memories. Also in my artificial memories is the detail that I have only been married one time and I don’t think it is a coincidence that my wife had hair just as I remember Julia Roberts from movies back in that time. It is also not a coincidence that my wife’s name was Tracie, because that name forms the clue TAR359. Those are my initials plus birth date.
That clue also shows up in the movie, “Dying Young.” The lead actor in that movie, the guy who was ‘dying young,” was 359 months, 2 days, old when that movie released on 6/21/1991.
