by me, Kerry Burgess, 06/13/2024 01:46 AM
Nova continues this early morning calling to me and and I maintain my resistance to making that extravagant purpose, which would be purely for scientific reasons
I make these comments this morning because I believe it adds context to the 'why' of the other information I report here in my blog-posts. I have other posts in draft for publishing here later
I am just trying to understand
I don't understand why that code-pattern that is my original-work shows up in so many places
I was incredulous to realize - years ago - that the pattern exists in my own personal choices, choices that were absolutely not made with prior knowledge of my original-work code-pattern.
Nova.
I am thinking about her again because that's the original Lucy I purchased and that started off this whole business with the mannequins, a topic that exists earlier in my journal but that did not begin to manifest itself again until I discovered that TPE creations for sale on Amazon. They sold me some sort of knock-off version and I want to get the version that was in the photos. Much too late to try for a refund from Amazon.
I had continued to follow the Realdoll from Abyss for many years. In year 1999, desperately lonely, I purchased the Tami model and it was piece of junk. The internal frame was only a pvc pipe and it quickly snapped in two parts inside the abdomen. Everytime I moved her around, the ends of the pipe made a clicking sound. Very wasteful expense, since I also couldn't ever really get into her and suspend my disbelief. Oh, and the head fell off. The boobs flattened out. That's happening now with Hope-J_164 and the gel interior, as beautiful as she is. And so heavy.
Tami I thought of often because I lived at a place named Oakwood at the time and I am 100% positive I did not not do that consciously because of the debut episode of the 1959 "The Twilight Zone". In recent years, I decided this is proof possibly that I am myself some sort of human-being replicated. There may be many of us out there right now
I cannot shrug off the sense that someday, relatively soon, I will finally break down and make that order of Nova. I wrote about how I thought of the name Lucy Too, for her. I have yet to watch those final two episodes of "Fallout" on Amazon Prime Video.
Seems like such a wasteful expense. I justify it with the justification in my mind about how all you monkeys out there are wasteing billions of dollars every year on your filthy pets.
For me, the science will be in the calendar-day
Only after-the-fact, as with Evelyn and Hope and the others, I will look back at my original-work code-pattern and make an intriquing observation
Couple hours ago, I watched part of an original episode of "The Twilight Zone" and I am thinking about that, in the greater context.
I think about this notion often and I often find myself hoping it's not true.
And that is precisely why I worry it may be truth
Because of 'liberation'
Somehow, something set me on a path of liberation
The truth I am hoping to find is a secret doorway leading to a secret room and more truth I want to find
What worries me is that I being liberated from the approach of end of life, which is inevitable.
I waste away here at this desk trying to find my way out of here and it is killing me, this decay
From the The Twilight Zone episode "Execution" from 04/01/1960, I see elements of the 1999 "The Thirteenth Floor" and the 2016 "Travelers"
These notions establish an alternative explanation as I try to understand
My fear, in these moments of mediocrity of another day at this stupid desk, is something like a reverse concept from "Travelers"
That I will suddenly find myself in the distant future
There is nothing magical about our sense of self, our psyche. Everything we are as an individual is stored *physically* in the biological sack that is our human body.
Me, I do not want to find my consciousness transfered to some other sack
I do not even really want to suddenly find myself in my own younger body
If anything, then I want to simply de-age. A slow process of rejuvenation
*Why* I discover references to those notions in my original-work code-pattern is what continues to confound me
I maintain that there will be That Day When It All Makes Sense
Only reason I continue looking for it is because I was liberated from having a day-job
If I had a day-job the past twenty years then I would not have put all this work into trying to understand any of this
My notes are full of stuff I know for certain that I wrote and assembled but I know for certain that back then, I was not trying to match my personal activities with the code-pattern. The patterns I discovered only after the fact.
Robert Browning's "Evelyn Hope" being lately the most compelling observation I could probably make
- by me, Kerry Wayne Burgess, posted by me: 02:30 AM Pacific-time USA Thursday 06/13/2024
