JOURNAL ARCHIVE: Re: Sleep journal 2/13/06
Only sleep about two hours last night. It's like trying to sleep in a barn here. The only time I sleep soundly is when I haven't slept enough to the point of exhaustion. Had one of those foreign dreams during my nap though. It was simple. It was just an image of a piece of paper with some words on it. It made me think of what I wrote yesterday using the specific word 'communique.' The image in my dream looked like a communique. The words were "from: me" and on the line below: "to: you." There was some other dream manipulation after that but I'm not sure what it was. It was something that I had to concentrate on hard. I wonder if they are planting easter eggs in my mind. I feel like I am in control enough to not let them control me to the point of doing something I don't want to do. But I have done things I don't want to do as a result of their control; I don't want to be homeless for one. And how much more of this manipulation will it take for them to openly control me? Will this dream manipulation make me less in control of my mind or more in control? I just don't know.
I also feel compelled to clarify something about my dream yesterday that I wrote about. The details are kind of fuzzy on this. But it wasn't piles of leaves that I was riding my bike around, it looked like piles of cut grass. As if some tall grass had been mowed and then raked into piles. But that seems out of place considering how I remember other details. Also, I feel compelled to write more about those two workers. I couldn't remember all they were saying, but I remember one word one of them said to the other: money. They were discussing something about me getting money. I have suspected for a long that that is an element in all this; people thinking I have or will get a lot of money and it is their perception that is seriously complicating my life.
Also, it is obvious that I am a control subject in a behavior patterns experiment. I do not appreciate being forced to stand up like some E-5 to a figurative H-bomb test so I can soak up the radiation and smile for the camera. I am an indepedant person with a great deal of initiative and I have a lot of important objectives to meet. So get out of my way and let me get back to work.
Not sure about this dream from when I finally got back to sleep this morning. I wanted to stay awake to watch the morning news but I was feeling the urge to watch my favorite anchorperson. If I watch her, I am going to talk and who knows how many sociopaths out there are listening to all this. How can this continue??? In this latest dream, there is a recurring theme, lately it always seems to involve sand. Today I was driving a pickup along a road on a sandy hill. I was trying to stop to talk to someone that was walking along. But then I was traveling backwards, down the hill I think. I put on the brakes but I still keep traveling down the hill and away from the person I wanted to talk to. Then I put the transmission in Drive and pressed the accelerator, but all the wheels did was spin and I kept moving fast backwards, I felt frustrated. I eventually stopped and the person I wanted to talk to caught up with me but I don't remember anything after that. There was some other stuff going on, possibly it was dream manipulation to respond to my metaphor about being in an H-bomb experiment. But the recurring theme has something to do with traveling backwards and not being able to stop where I want to. It actually reminds me of controlling a ship, in that it takes time and space to stop one.
There was a few other things that I can't remember but that I know were there. One I do remember is of a scene where my mother is saying something to me, or maybe she is asking me something. There is something "quiet" about it, as in it was a quiet question, she spoke quietly. Or maybe she was trying to give me a clue about somebody that is involved in whatever is going on here, but she wanted me to keep it quiet. I just don't know.
And damn it just feels today like I can't get a break here in the real world.
