JOURNAL ARCHIVE: Re: Sleep journal 2/11/06
Nothing spectacular about my dreams last night. I remember two different segments. One had some basic symbolism in it that seemed uninterestingly relevant. The other was more complex and had symbolic elements in it as well. I guess they decided to not screw with my mind as I slept because they read my journal last night that I was expecting it.
After I wrote the first paragraph, I then started typing in the date on the subject line and something struck suddenly about the date. I think it was part of a dream last night that I have forgotten.
I have also been wondering, thinking back to that dream manipulation in 1999, whether my dreams are literal interpretations of what they are suggesting or whether my own mental mechanisms are producing something different from what they want. In other words, when I was waking up calling out my friends name, was it because that is what the dream terrorists wanted me to do? Or were they making indirect suggestions such as "you should talk more to someone you work with that you have a strong connection with." I wonder if they were trying to manipulate me to hooking up with someone I had no interest in and I was interpreting it to represent someone I was close to.
As crazy as this dream terrorism sounds, I have absolutely no doubt it has been happening.
JOURNAL ARCHIVE: Unlawful imprisonment
Sun, 2/12/06 5:00 PM
http://apps.leg.wa.gov/RCW/default.aspx?cite=9A.40.040
RCW 9A.40.040
Unlawful imprisonment.
(1) A person is guilty of unlawful imprisonment if he knowingly restrains another person.(2) Unlawful imprisonment is a class C felony.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=restrain
restrain
To hold (a person) back; prevent
To deprive of freedom or liberty
To limit or restrict
"The constant unjust surveillance Kerry suffered severely deprived his freedom."
JOURNAL ARCHIVE: torture
Mon, 2/13/06 2:23 PM
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=torture
torture
An instrument or a method for inflicting such pain.
Excruciating physical or mental pain; agony: the torture of waiting in suspense.
Something causing severe pain or anguish.
extreme mental distress
"They all sat around secretly listening to me during the days I was starving and did nothing to help me, instead probably finding it humorous to hear me suffering for those nine days."
JOURNAL ARCHIVE: torment
Mon, 2/13/06 3:08 PM
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=torment
torment
Great physical pain or mental anguish
A source of harassment, annoyance, or pain
To cause to undergo great physical pain or mental anguish
To agitate or upset greatly
extreme mental distress
"After several days, maybe a couple weeks, of roaming around the woods, stretching out a loaf of bread and a box of graham crackers, because tomorrow would be the day they tell me it's over, Kerry met with a social worker who had nothing to give him but a bag of food that he wasn't very interested in despite the lack of food and because he had already survived that 9 day period of starvation and wasn't too afraid of starving anymore, but she wasn't the one that he hoped would have the answers he needed so Kerry parked his Jeep at Marymoor park where he began walking towards a bridge that he was going to jump off but hoping along the way someone would tell him what he needed to know and then about 14 hours later he sat there exhausted and starving with people sitting around him watching as they ate their lunches and he decided to wait until the next night to jump so he was there in the park for 24 hours while they all gawked at his misery and did nothing and when he was standing there on the edge at three in the morning he got angry that the bastards had such contempt for his life and began a 22 hour stumbling excrutiatingly painful walk back to his Jeep, knowing that tomorrow would be the day someone would give him the information he needed."
JOURNAL ARCHIVE: Sleep journal 2/14/06
Funny how I don't remember any dreams last night or this morning. I slept about 3 or 4 hours late in the evening and then a few hours later this morning. I don't remember anything. And then there is the way the few foreign dreams I've had lately seemed to be quieter, as if the manipulators were almost whispering or they were transmitting with a lower power setting. I do remember waking up at one point where it sounded like someone was telling Donald Pleasance that he had a taxi waiting for him downstairs to take him to the airport. Pleasance was the guy who was chasing that guy around in those Halloween movies. He also played a blind guy trying to escape from a WW2 German POW camp.
For the past couple of days I have been meaning to bring up again a dream that happened about two years ago that I believe was a foreign dream. I recorded it in my journal shortly after that but I have lost control of all my personal effects due to this situation. I remember waking up absolutely terrified. There was something terrifying about my digital alarm clock. It seemed that the numbers had stopped, that time itself had stopped. It was probably several minutes before I regained my senses. I don't know why I was so terrified.
But it also causes me to think more about that experience as well as others. I realized that I have never really been scared before. I have been in some tough spots that were troubling, but every time I felt in control, at least in control of what I could control. That experience with being terrified reminded me of another experience many years earlier when I learned to distinquish and recognize a basic emotion. I was standing on the pier next to the Wainwright shortly after we had returned from the PG. Everything had been going so right one day, and then the next, everything just started going so wrong. It seemed as soon as I touched home soil again, everything just started falling apart. I was standing there and for the first time in my life, at least that I was aware, I felt lonely. I had been alone a lot in my life to that point, but this was the first time I could really label the feeling. That lonely experience and that terrifing experience are similar in some ways but dissimilar in other ways. The loneliness I felt that day after returning home was just sort of a peak I guess, a new level of an emotion that I had felt many times in my life but never really understood. The terror feeling on the hand, was pretty new. The lonely experience just produced a scar, while the terror feeling, I don't know what the result of that experience is, maybe to reinforce my desire to maintain peace in my life, of which people have been trying to drive me away from, although why they want to provoke me I don't know.
