Now I understand something a friend said to me once a few years ago. These coward bastards are going to seriously pay with a federal prison sentence for keeping me away from Phoebe, my wife, all these years when Phoebe needed me.
I noticed that a lot of scenes in this episode feature the color orange, presumably because those are my school colors from Princeton University.
The Simpsons (Repeat)
13 KCPQ: Tuesday, May 15 7:00 PM
Sitcom, Animated
Radioactive Man
Millhouse and Bart vie for a role in a Hollywood film being made in Springfield.
Cast: Dan Castellaneta, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith, Harry Shearer, Hank Azaria, Julie Kavner Executive Producer(s): James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, David Mirkin
Original Air Date: Sep 24, 1995
JOURNAL ARCHIVE: Sleep journal 5/13/06
In an office, my boss's boss, was telling me that I had made history today. She said something about me proving how a single person can make a difference. She handed me some stuff including a chain that you use for dog tags. I was looking at it and there was something about it being too long, or needing to have some links taken out of it. I don't recognize me boss's boss, but my boss was familar. The senior person told me that my boss appreciate's people that are passionate about their work, after I was commenting on how much I enjoy my work.
I have also been thinking today again about the distinction between free will and mind control. The exhausting part about all this, as really with any kind of direction, is from rejecting the advice I don't want to follow. That is the stuff I don't remember, the advice or direction I didn't want to follow.
I might have been shot down on the second strike to Osirak, on what I assume was 6/8/1981. Thoughts have occured to me that I flew back to bomb Osirak again the next day because we didn't do enough damage the first day. I might have parachuted into or nearby the Tigris River and then I swam down the river to escape. I don't know how long it took me to get back to friendly territory. Thoughts occur to me that is what happened but I can't remember any of that in the conventional sense.
The part about the fight, I think, reflects several events, including Vietnam, but reflects primarily my captivity as a POW in Libya in 1986 and they were beating me up to get me to admit I had led the strike on Iraq in 1981, which I never did admit. I have symbolic and artificial memories that suggest certainly that they put a noose around my neck and hanged me, or rather, strangled me. They could only get me tied up like that because they drugged me. Until then, a few of them went away with broken bones as they tried to tie me up. I thought of that when I saw a similar scene in the 1987 "The Running Man." They ran the power drill into my hand after I gave them my middle finger. The circular scar on my hand is right next to that knuckle. I have artificial memories of how I got that scar, so that means something. I "remember" it was a nasty wound and it bled a lot. I have some other scars that I don't have any artificial memories for, so maybe that means something to. If I have an artificial memory for a scar, then maybe that means I got that scar in combat. The scars that I don't remember where they came from were probably not from combat. There is a distinct scar about my right eye and I "remember" that Thedia told me I got that when I was very young and I was climbing out a window at the laundromat we were at and I cut it on the corner of a brick. I feel that it was actually from someone swiping a knife across my eye and it probably felt as though my eye had been cut out. I also find myself thinking a lot about a large, round scar on my shin of my left leg and I remember a scene from Mel Gibson's 2000 movie "The Patriot" and I remember a scene where a soldier gets his lower leg cut off by a cannonball. That is probably how it felt to me. It was probably a .50 caliber bullet. I said something to Langdon one day about me getting hit by .50 caliber bullets in the back and I wondered later why I said that. So anyway, that large bullet hit me in the leg and threw me face forward and I probably just knew that it had torn of my leg. I have several, trivial-seeming memories, that support that notion. The other wounds are probably smaller calibers - probably 9-millimeter.
And why do I specifically "remember" the time Mogge hit me accidently with the sharp point of that camera stand? I can still almost visualize it. There is still a mark there on my lower leg from it. It left a similar mark as on my back that the doctor wanted to examine. The one on my lower leg could have been a ice pick, or something similar. I don't have any memories about the ones on my back. Could be a few pellets from a shotgun, although I don't know why only three large scars when I think I was hit by quite a few pellets in the shoulders and neck. It is confusing.
JOURNAL ARCHIVE: Re: Journal May 26, 2006, Supplemental
Feeling very bad right, on edge. Very mixed feeling. Wish the damned hell I was out of this damned place!!!!!!
Earlier in my notes, I remember a time when I got out of boot camp, the same day I think. Three of us, still wearing our dress whites, rented a car and headed to the beach for the weekend. I was driving but didn't know how to get to Daytona. The next thing I remember, we were at the gated entrance to some facility. The security guard asked if we were "lost." We were at the entrance to Cape Canaveral.
After that event with the 9-point deer I shot, we went home and Denzil wanted to do some work on the roof over the garage. It was not so much a garage as a patio for my mom's car that we added on to the house after we bought it. The part I remember from that is how tired I was. It was excruiating trying to stay awake. I don't remember actually doing any work on the roof though, but I remember that something was being done to it. I remember standing there feeling miserable wishing I could be somewhere else. And why were we doing this after what I had just done?! Something else here I can't quite remember.....
On the night of that bad fight, where I was shot down in the bar, I had gone out by myself that night. I have been thinking more about that today and something seemed unusal, uncharacteristic, about that, as I never went out by myself. Something had happened the night before but I can't remember what it was, other than just a memory that something happened.
There was another time, a buddy of mine from further down Hicks Road, was complaining one day when we were driving. He was saying something about how I always got the best locations during our organized hunts. He wasn't so much envious as just complaining that I didn't take more advantage of the situation, whatever that means.
This one day, I remember my mom crying because she thought I was probably lying dead somewhere in the woods, one particular hunting season. I had got out of class early, something to do with final exam and not having one that afternoon, before the school year ended. I told them where I was going to go hunting that afternoon, but then at the last minute, I changed my mind and went somewhere much farther away. When I got out there, I made the mistake of trying to drive down this corridor in the trees, it was some kind of underground natural gas pipeline and they had a narrow corridor cut through the woods. As soon as I pulled into it, I got stuck up to the fenders in mud. I didn't thing it was a big deal because I had a wench and chain, and decided to sit there for a while and wait for a deer to come out. But something nagged me about and I kept looking back down at the truck. And then it dawned on me: my chain isn't long enough to reach the trees, damnit. Eventually, it got dark and I had to try something new. So I put my gun behind the seat, remembering some kind of rule that I forget now, and started off to find a house. I was pretty deep in the woods but I remembered a house a few miles away from the other direction I came in. It was so dark and I had no lights that the only way I knew I was still on the gravel road was to listen for the crunching of rocks under my feet. The first house I came to, the guy there wouldn't drive out to pull me out, he needed his truck for work and didn't want to damage it. The next house I went to was a young couple that I knew from church. The husband has something like an old souped-up Chevrolet pickup that he drove me out and eventually got me pulled out. When I got back home, Micheal was, I'm not sure how to describe it, but I knew I had really pushed my luck on this one. I was expecting some serious shit to come down on me. He told me mom thought I was dead and they had the whole neighborhood out searching for me. But of course, they weren't even looking anywhere close to where I really went. Eventually, mom and Denzil got home and I just remember mom looking like she had been crying, she didn't even look relieved, she just looked....devastated....is the first word that comes to mind. I can't remember what Denzil said to me, but they didn't ground me for that and I got to go hunting the next day. But I knew I needed to watch myself from then on. I think there is probably a lot more to this story, but this is the most I can remember right now. And I think some of these other events I am remembering are all part of some event in reality. This event represents only part of it and while the issue seemed to be resolved, I think it gets covered in other events.
I even have memories of something associated with "calling the ball." There's probably a lot more memories to dig up here, but basically, I was umpiring a baseball game, calling balls and strikes. I wasn't doing it very well though, is the first way I want to describe. But I don't think that is true. I think the memory is constructed around the other people that would be there to support my landing and catching the wire.
This one other memory came up with a time when Denzil told me I had made my point. I think he wanted me to come back home because my mother missed me. She and I had an argument over something I can't remember. I decided to move out, going out on my own. I moved into a motel in town. It was close to the end of my senior year. I remember people telling me their opinions and I didn't really want to hear it. One guy was telling me how great home cooked meals are, Micheal telling me I was crazy. My physics teacher said something about to me in class one day but I can't remember what he said. Micheal drove up to where I worked after school and took Denzil's dog box that I had in my truck. They were large wooden boxes that filled the bed of the pickup and that we put the hunting dogs into for transport. There was one point there after that where my mother was extremely angry at me. I had snuck into the house one day to get my clothes and they were taking a nap and I didn't want them to know I was there. Something was wrong with my Chevrolet and my girlfriends father let me borrow his El Camino. I enjoyed driving his car, because it had a lot of power, but I didn't care much for the quasi-pickup chassis, it just didn't look right. She showed up at the place I was staying not much longer, slamming her door, yelling at me. Eventually, I saw Denzil some time later, I was still staying at the motel. I was paying my rent one day and the owner said he had wanted to meet me. Anyway, Denzil told me I had made my point and that I should come back home because mom missed me. I saw her sometime after that in Wal Mart. She said she was buying some black socks for me, that I would need for the Senior prom that was a few days away. I moved back in with them until I graduated, and acccording to my memory, left for boot camp in Orlando.
I wonder about the significance of an event in 1989. I went with my roommate, from Hollywood, and his hometown girlfriend, Phyllis, to the movie to see the release of Batman. I think it was that night we were out in a diner and I said something about a 5 dollar bill, later feeling dumb because I had been drunk and felt stupid for saying something silly. Anyway, when we got back to the apartment from the movie, I realized I had lost my wallet. I went back to the theatre and remarkably, found the seat I had been in and my wallet was still there.
That guys name was something like Ryll, pronounced something like "rill." He probably represents someone I was with with I was getting stomped into the ground. Something, something, something, can't quite get it.........
The memory of me going to OK to help my father build a house one winter. Something there maybe.
Ah.....well before that.....that set of concrete steps. There was this large structure, concrete steps for the front door to a trailer house, but the lot was empty. For some reason, I took a sledge hammer and demolished it, left nothing but a pile a rubble to what had once been, in my memory, that new and unused set of stairs. I have often wondered about that, why no one ever said anything about it to me.
At one point, though, the guy in the trailer next to the empty where I was destroying the steps started making some noise, but I ignored him. It took me two days to complete the job. At some point, his kid started crying about something. He rushed out and immediately blamed me for hurting her, but she was no one around me and I don't know what she was crying about.
070513-N-1810F-075 MAYPORT, Fla. (May 13, 2007) - Capt. Eli Takesian (Ret), chaplain for the 3rd Battalion, 5th Marines and regimental chaplain 5th Marines, during the Battle of the Hue City speaks during the 39th observance of the Battle of Hue City at Naval Station Mayport. The Battle of Hue, one of the fiercest battles of the Vietnam War, took place on January 31, 1968, during the Vietnamese holiday of Tet. U.S. Marines launched a counter-offensive called Operation Hue City, where they reclaimed the city block by block. U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Lynn Friant (RELEASED)
I have "memories" of my step-daughter, Amanda Beth, playing with similar toys. Why would I "remember" any of that?
070512-N-8629D-128 PUERTO BELGRANO, Argentina (May 12, 2007) - (l-r) Ensign Laura Dogger, USS Mitscher (DDG 57); Ensign Kathryn Gelenter, USS Pearl Harbor (LSD 52) and Ensign Jenny Phillips, Pearl Harbor; play with children at Casa Del Niño (Home for Children) during a community relations project in Puerto Belgrano Argentina. Task Group 40.0, which includes Pearl Harbor, Mitscher, USS Samuel B. Roberts (FFG 58) and Chilean Frigate CS Almirante Latorre (FFG 14), is underway for Partnership of the Americas (POA) 2007. POA focuses on enhancing relationships with regional partner nations such as Argentina. U.S. Navy photo by Ensign Brett Dawson (RELEASED)
070512-N-0989H-211 CARIBBEAN SEA (May 12, 2007) – A sailor aboard High Speed Vessel (HSV) 2 Swift fires an M9 during weapons qualification on the fantail. Swift, part of Task Group 40.9 (TG 40.9), is deployed as part of the pilot Global Fleet Station (GFS) to the Caribbean basin and Central America. The mission is designed to validate the GFS concept for the Navy and support U.S. Southern Command objectives for its area of responsibility by enhancing cooperative partnerships with regional maritime services and improving operational readiness for the participating partner nations. U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class David Hoffman (RELEASED)
