When I lived those 300 days in that goddamned homeless shelter in Pioneer Square, I wrote a few times about my “imaginary girlfriend.” Her name was Lily. According to information I found on the internet in the past few days, Phoebe’s mother’s name is Lily. Her father’s name is Joseph, as is my father and grandfather in my artificial and symbolic memories.
Phoebe Cates
AKA Phoebe Belle Katz
Born: 16-Jul-1963
Birthplace: New York City
Gender: Female
Religion: Jewish
Race or Ethnicity: Multiracial
Sexual orientation: Straight
Occupation: Actor
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Father: Joseph Cates
Mother: Lily Cates
JOURNAL ARCHIVE: Re: Captain's sleep journal. Stardate: Febuary the crappyth Wed, 2/8/06 6:45 PM
I remember having dreams when I last slept but I can remember absolutely no details. Except, maybe something to do with my imaginary girlfriend, Lily. For a while I have been wondering if they can also manipulate my half-asleep dreams too. Those are those first dreams I remember having when I am drifting off to sleep. I have never really thought of them as dreams though, rather more like random thoughts that go through my mind as I drift off. Last night, I have two such thoughts that stuck with me when I woke up minutes or seconds later. The first one was of Senator Carl Levin standing in front of me either in an elevator or waiting for an elevator. He said something about how my "reading was correct." The second scene was of Lily telling me of some endearing quality about herself.
This imaginary girlfriend routine is kind of fun, but with all these actors around me, who knows what is the reality. What I really want to avoid is encouraging people to stalk women on TV. No one should take seriously the perceived affections of a person on TV. My hope is that this situation will end soon and then some third person will make arrangements where we can meet and I can determine if this was all my imagination.
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Even if Lily is as nice in person as she seems to be on TV, I'm beginning to think I shouldn't pursue it. I've been feeling confident this thing could actually be real, but that is actually a real problem. So many people are watching what I do in private so they can try to mimic my success. If I talk to a pretty woman on TV while sitting in my living room and then end up spending the foreseeable future finding ways to make her smile in a real relationship, then there are going to be other people out there trying the same thing. And after that Tacoma Mall terrorist, I just think this is all a bad idea. As some jerk standing next to me the other day pointed out conspicuously secretive: It sucks to be me. And then there are all these people with the "priceless," "volume down," etc. bullshit.....when does it end? How are they finding out this stuff? Why can't they just all go away and if anybody has to monitor everything I do and write, why can't they just give that job to Lily? That would be pretty fun.
JOURNAL ARCHIVE: Crime journal 3/23/06 Thu, 3/23/06 5:35 PM
Crime journal 3/23/06
I haven't committed any crimes today (unless you count not being able to send flowers to my pretty imaginary girlfriend). I won't be committing any crimes tomorrow as is normal (except probably for the flower stuff).
JOURNAL ARCHIVE: Re: Sleep journal 3/28/06 Tue, 3/28/06 8:55 PM
Very interesting dream that featured prominently my imaginary girlfriend, whom made me smile today. She told me in the dream "when I'm ready." That's what I was hoping to hear, but then, just like sitting in front of the tv, none of it is really real. There was at least one, maybe more, weird strange aspects to the dream, but I think it was just mischief on the part of the dream manipulator. I figured she was personally directing the dream and threw that in to screw with my head, or someone else was relaying her comments/whatever-however-it's-done to my sleeping mind. After awaking I was extremely annoyed at the people that are actively disturbing my sleep. I slept one time for almost 6 hours, but all the other times are no more than 3 hours every 12 hours or so. I'm going crazy here, I need some goddamned sleep.
And before the happy-time-with-my-imaginary-girlfriend segment of the dream, there was something about something collapsing that I didn't want to be around.
I think what that one part of the dream was saying was that we could hang out when I was ready. Whether that was a real foreign dream or just a regular dream representing loneliness, I don't know. I hope it was foreign dream though because she is one super cutie. I was thinking today that I would like to see her wearing jeans. Ok, well, I want to see her not wearing jeans, but you got to start somewhere. Anyway, what I worry about is trying to get close to anyone for a long time. I have felt like I have been literally living with millions of people for so long, all I want now and for the foreseeable future is to have just the opposite. To go somewhere and feel like people aren't tracking me or staging stuff around me or talking about me like I wasn't standing there knowing they were talking about me. She seems like a nice person, although how the hell I know that, I do not know. I am going to seek some counseling when this is all over. But only when it's over. As it is now, I am sick of explaining this all again to someone new and to have to deal with the deception and bullshit. At least when it's over, I can focus on recovery instead of trying to figure out why this is still going on, why I still have no private life. And how can I even be intimate with anyone when I have no private life? Everywhere I go, someone is secretly listening. If I bring her into my life, we are just going to be involuntary porn stars for those bastards. It is going to take a long time to put that behind me. And I still haven't even reached that day yet I start to put it all behind me. It continues this minute, it will continue the next minute. Another unread message to my anonymous captors.
I haven't seen this movie, that I recall, but certain elements I read about it now makes me think it reflects that Phoebe and the rest of my family thought I was dead at the time the movie was released in 1986. The actress who portrays his love interest is 76 days younger than Phoebe. There may be other clues but those are all I've found so far. The primary elements were probably to just reflect that they thought I was dead after being shot down and it was sad that Phoebe thought she had lost me.
I have been thinking that after the funeral, my family gave Phoebe my U.S. Navy aviator wings. I sense they were all looking forward to Phoebe and I getting married but then I was gone and presumed lost. I have also been thinking that when Phoebe and I did get married, it was a grand wedding. The Queen was there, but I don't think Phoebe knew she is my grandmother. Rather, I or someone explained to Phoebe that I had once saved the lives of the royal family and they wanted to attend our wedding because they were grateful. I am not sure if Phoebe ever knew, until now I guess, if I have this figured out right myself, about my family. I am also not sure if I am confusing the cover identity I had before I took on this current cover identity. I think that I established some kind of elaborate cover identity to protect Phoebe and I might be remembering some of those details as my real memories return. The problem is that if the terrorists knew how much I cared for her, then she would be in a lot of danger. The thought just struck me again that I am not sure why the hell I am even writing about that now. I feel as though I have been tricked into revealing who and what I care about most.
Release date(s) November 14, 1986
Every Time We Say Goodbye is a 1986 film starring Tom Hanks and Cristina Marsillach. Hanks plays a gentile American in the British Royal Air Force, stationed in Jerusalem, who falls in love with a girl from a Sephardic Jewish family.
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David (Hanks) is an American pilot who joins the RAF before his nation enters the war. After his plane is shot down in North Africa, he recovers from a leg injury in Jerusalem, and meets a serene Jewish girl of Spanish descent (Cristina Marsillach). the two are attracted to each other but she is convinced that their diverse backgrounds mean it could never work because of her family's disapproval and the fact that he is a gentile son of a protestant minister. Although they keep running into each other in the small community, they find themselves parting as frequently as they find each other. Every Time We Say Goodbye is the story of a forbidden love, religious/cultural differences, and the sacrifices that are made in the face of prejudice.
The difference between May 1st and July 16th is 76 days. I wonder if that was intention with that actress. Tom Hanks did portray a pilot and she was his love interest and it wouldn't be the first time I see a connection between Phoebe and May 1st.
From 5/1/1967 to 7/16/1967 is: 76 days
Released October 28, 1985
Dead Man's Party is the fourth album by Oingo Boingo, released in 1985. It is considered by some to be their breakthrough, due to the inclusion of songs from this album in two movies. The title track was used in the film Back to School (wherein Boingo performs the song at a party), and includes the song "Weird Science" which was written for the John Hughes film of the same name.
Both "Weird Science" and "Stay" were hits in Australia, charting at #39 and #30 respectively.
Just Another Day
(theres life underground)
I feel it all around / I feel it in my bones
My life is on the line / when Im away from home
When I step out the door / the jungle is alive
I do not trust my ears / I dont believe my eyes
I will not fall in love / I cannot risk the bet
Cause hearts are fragile toys / so easy to forget
Its just another day / theres murder in the air
It drags me when I walk / I smell it everywhere
Its just another day / where people cling to light
To drive away the fear / that comes with every night
Chorus
Its just another . . . . . . . its just another day
Its just another . . . . . . . its just another day . . .
Its just another day--when people wake from dreams
With voices in their ears--that will not go away
I had a dream last night / the world was set on fire
And everywhere I ran / there wasnt any water
The temperature increased / the sky was crimson red
The clouds turned into smoke / and everyone was dead
(but) theres a smile on my face . . . for everyone
Theres a golden coin . . . that reflects the sun
Theres a lonely place . . . thats always cold
Theres a place in the stars . . . for when you get old
Theres razors in my bed / that come out late at night
They always disappear / before the morning light
Im dreaming again / of life underground
It doesnt ever move / it doesnt make a sound
And just when I think--that things are in their place
The heavens are secure--the whole thing explodes in my face
