I look back in my journal and find it is ironic what I wrote one day about "Family" and "Home." I was thinking about that Star Trek: The Next Generation episode where "Captain Picard" goes on leave after escaping the "Borg" and visits his family on their wine farm. I even wrote about about Senator McCain that day about how I admired the U.S. Navy tradition of his family and I now interpret that thoughts to reflect that "Brotherhood/Sisterhood" paper from Reagan on 2/14/86. I wouldn't be surprised if the "Borg" experience from the 1990 cliffhanger episodes of ST:TNG are a basic representation of my POW experience in 1986. There was no such battle though where they were using me to defeat our forces, but I think my captors roughed me up for a long time trying to break me. I have thinking that Reagan knew they were torturing me and he ordered a bombing mission, which he announced on 4/14/86, to try to get me out of there. The guards were distracted by the nearby bombing raid and I slipped away and headed out into the Sahara. There is a similar element in the 1990 "Quigley Down Under" but I think I escaped into the desert instead of them leaving me for dead in the desert. I am thinking that I am related somehow to Tom Selleck but I am not sure how. Perhaps by marriage. As for "Quigley Down Under," I think that plot element about "Roy" is a rather humorous reference to me, as I believe my real last name is Ray.
So anyway, back on ST:TNG, I believe I escaped from the Libyans and then went home to visit my family for a while in 1987 before going back on active duty. I found an interesting connection to Jane Wyman, who I think is my maternal grandmother, and her 1980's television series "Falcon Crest," which was set in a vineyard. I don't think it is a coincidence that the woman who portrayed the mother of "Spock" in the original Star Trek series was an actress named Jane Wyatt. I was recently reading through a document about the meaning of asteroid names and I discovered that "3359 Purcari" was named in 1978 after Purcari in Moldova, a region known for its wines. I discovered that clue as I was researching the astronauts that died on the Challenger space shuttle in January 1986. I discovered that several asteroids were named for those astronauts and that all those asteroid's number designations were in the format of 335x. I had been wondering if I had known one of the astronauts named Judy Resnik, and along with the asteroid, I discovered there was a crater on the Moon named after her and its location was 33 degrees and 150 degrees. That piqued my interest because 33 and 15 are two numbers that have been coming up a lot. I have found a lot of airport runways that are configured as 15/33 and I think it is relevant to me. The landing strip the space shuttle uses at Kennedy Space Center is configured at 15/33. It may be that is just a popular format, because it almost lines up precisely north-south. Or it may be that my mother's birthday was January 5th and my birthday is March 3rd. I think that I knew Resnik from STS-41-D because I was a secret crewmember of that space shuttle flight as well. I believe that particular mission was to symbolize the "441" aspect of my 1976 mission to the outer solar system. According to sources, the STS-41-D flight ended on 9/5/84, where September 5th is sometimes a variation of my so-called "birth mark." The letter "D" is the fourth letter in the English alphabet.
Back to ST:TNG, I believe the reason Patrick Stewart was chosen to portray "Captain Picard," along with his superb acting skills, is because he is my father. I still don't actually remember him, or any of my real family, but I believe it is true. And it makes sense to as I look back over the years. Over the past few months, I have decided that I have 3 older brothers and one younger brother. My three older brothers are Bruce Willis, Mel Gibson, and Tom Hanks. My younger brother is George Clooney. I find myself thinking that I do remember them, because they seem similar to people I do remember, but those people I remember are different people.
A few days ago, I was startled when I was studying their movie releases for the year 2000. This is the list and I think these are relevant to me, each one contributing to a message, sort of a postcard to their missing brother who was consciously oblivious to it all. But I do remember the movie "Unbreakable" the most and it had a very positive impact on me.
05/13/2000: "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" George Clooney
06/30/2000: "The Patriot," Mel Gibson
11/22/2000: "Unbreakable," Bruce Willis
12/22/2000: "Cast Away," Tom Hanks
A friend suggested we go to see "The Patriot" when it premiered and I still remember feeling choked up about that scene on the beach where his youngest daughter runs away from him or wouldn't talk to him, whichever it was. I think that is straight out of something from my real life and/or it just serves to represent that I miss my kids, the ones I can't even consciously remember. There is also some symbolism to my mission in 1976 to destroy the comet that threatened the planet, and I may go into more detail about that later in describing my thoughts on the movie "Independence Day" from 1996. The movie "Cast Away" was a good work of symbolism for my amnesia and, at first, I was thinking that plot element about the Wilson volley ball represents Ronald Wilson Reagan's battle with Alzheimer's, especially that scene where "Wilson" is floating away, never to be found again. But then recently, I began to wonder if Reagan did not actually have Alzheimer's and that was all symbolic of me losing my memory gradually, starting I guess in 1994, when I survived a horrific plane crash, which I might describe later. But I feel indecisive on that topic, as I waver between thinking he really did suffer from that conditon before he passed away in 2004. But it may represent the struggle both of of endured and the family who cared for us. Clooney's "O Brother, Where Art Thou" was a very enjoyable movie, and I think it had elements in it about my escape from POW captivity in 1986 and 1987. There were many details that stood out in my mind as I was watching it is few months ago, and one was about all his kids, especially the new one he didn't know about until he found his wife after making it home. Another detail was how they thought he had been killed by a train. I am not entirely sure what that means, but I think it is relevant to me being missing for a long time. As in "Cast Away," I think they actually had a burial service for me at Arlington National Cemetery, and that is why I "remember" having a girlfriend that was from a town named Arlington. That girlfriend and I were sitting in a movie theater, according to my "memory," for the release of "Top Gun" and I remember that she was cold. I think that is some kind of twisted symbolism that I was thought to be dead at that time and she was my girlfriend, who was also dead. I started thinking more about her and I decided that really is what it means because she and I met when I was in a school in the Navy and I had failed a test earlier that day and it was a really bad day for me. I think that represents how I had been shot down in an A-6 aircraft somewhere over Africa. There was another detail I wanted to mention from Clooney's movie, but it slipped my mind as soon as I thought about it. So anyway, along with those movies in 2000, Patrick Stewart portrayed "Dr. Xavier" in "X-Men. The year 2000 was also the premier of "Gladiator" and I think that Russell Crowe and I were good friends back before I lost my identity. As with Clooney's movie, I think that "Gladiator" was timed to premier close to May 9th, because of the 5/9 in that date. I also think that "Gladiator" represents in many aspects, my experiences in Africa after I escaped the Libyans and was trying to get back to the Navy. I started thinking that as in the 1996 movie, "The Ghost and the Darkness," I killed a lion with my bare hands at some point in my escape, possibly after I was captured by locals and thrown into a cage with a lion. I think that I had to fight in a cage like that several times, and that is why my friend Crowe took the role in "Gladiator" and the scar on my hip is from my captors injuring me because I was always winning and they wanted to even the odds somewhat by crippling me. My thoughts have stayed consistent that I completed my escape sometime around, probably just before, 5/17/87. I have been thinking that Saddamn Hussein fired a couple of missiles into the USS Stark FFG-31 just to dampen the mood about me returning home alive after everyone had thought for so long that I was dead. A few days ago I was reading about a comic book character named "Iron Man," produced by Marvel comics, and the name of "Iron Man's" secret identity is "Anthony Edward Stark." All of this theory was reinforced when I read a 5/18/87 speech by Reagan, that he made before speaking about the strike on the Stark, and he made some comments about someone that was shocked to find they had received flowers for a funeral. I believe that was a reference, similar to the scene in "Cast Away," where they told me they had actually had a funeral for me a few months earlier. On the following day, the 19th, Reagan issued Proclamation 5659, which was to order all flags at half-staff in respect for the USS Stark. Further reinforcing my theory about a long trek across Africa in 1986 and 1987, was Congressional legislation that went into effect in 1987. On December 16, 1987, the Trail of Tears National Historic Trail became Public Law to commemorate "the removal of the Cherokee and the paths that 17 Cherokee detachments followed westward. Today the trail encompasses about 2,200 miles of land and water routes, and traverses portions of nine states." On that same day, 12/16/87, according to Reagan's public papers, Reagan sent the "Letter to the Speaker of the House of Representatives and the President of the Senate on Low Intensity Conflict Policy," which discusses such topics as improving the level of support for Special Operations and "those who put their lives on the line in the common cause of freedom." This is off topic, but as I was looking back through my journal on my notes about the "Trail of Tears," I remembered another observation that reinforced my theory that Ronald Reagan is my maternal grandfather. I was reading a 5/9/82 speech he gave at the college he graduated from, Eureka College in Illinois, and I noticed the street that runs through the middle of that college is that same as my last name, Burgess. According to the map, Burgess Street runs through the middle of campus and intersects with Reagan Drive, which runs along the south edge of the campus. Reagan Drive then turns in CR-875 and I have been wondering if that number for the county road was selected to reflect my return home from Africa in May 1987.
After reviewing all those movies, I decided to look at their other works and I liked what I found.
02/15/2002: "Hart's War," Bruce Willis
03/01/2002: "We Were Soldiers," Mel Gibson
07/12/2002: "Road To Perdition," Tom Hanks
11/19/2002: "Solaris," George Clooney
The premier date for "Hart's War" reinforced my theory that I was shot down on 2/14/86 and was a POW for a while after that. Mel Gibson's movie reinforced theories that I was once an officer in the U.S. Navy and Special Forces. I found it harder to put a finger on Tom Hanks movie, because I haven't seen it in a long time. But I remember enjoying the role he played in the movie. As for "Solaris," that reinforced my theory that I went to Saturn in 1976 when I read that it released in 2002 along with the work of the other people I think are my brothers. That release date is closer to my visit to Jupiter though. I don't think I have actually watched that movie before though so I can't think of any details in the plot that might be relevant to me. Patrick Stewart starred in 2002's "Star Trek: Nemesis," and I found myself thinking that opening sequence in the desert vehicle represents a vehicle I would use in the SEAL's. There is also an element to that movie that coincides with how Microsoft/Corbis has been trying to steal my genetic material for their financial gain.
Then I looked back to 1997 to see what was there because I have been thinking that is the year I completely lost my memory.
05/09/1997: "The Fifth Element," Bruce Willis
08/08/1997: "Conspiracy Theory," Mel Gibson, Patrick Stewart
09/26/1997: "The Peacemaker," George Clooney
I think the first detail about that collection of movies that stood out in my mind was how Bruce Willis and Mel Gibson portrayed taxi drivers in their movies. I found myself thinking about that Microsoft marketing slogan "Where do you want to go today?" and how that spacecraft I wrote of earlier, the Project Orion nuclear impulse drive, was referred to as a "space taxi." Some other plot elements from Bruce Willis's movie are about that comet mission I have been writing of. I think the movie is symbolic of how I used four bombs to destroy the comet and I was the fifth component of that mission. There were some other details that I can't remember now off-hand. It is interesting that Mel Gibson and Patrick Stewart were both in that movie and I remember writing a long time ago about my thoughts of him uncharacteristically portraying the bad guy. I am thinking that movie is a work about how my family, and others close to my heart, were seeing me lose my memory and it must have been an agonizing experience, probably what it is like to see someone suffer from Alzheimer's. As for "Peacemaker," it was a good action movie and I think it represents my military experience in general. I don't think I disarmed any nuclear bombs, but reading about the movie makes me think I was in Sarajevo as a counter-sniper at some point. The was a woman at Microsoft who reminded me of Sarajevo for some reason. I can't remember now where she was from originally, but I think it was Yugoslavia and she was put there in a cubicle next to me and on my team because of some assignment I had in the military. I don't see any movies for Tom Hanks in 1997, and I think that is similar to a "missing man" type of message. I noticed recently a similar pattern in the command structure of the aircraft carrier USS Ronald Reagan CVN-76. The Commanding Officer graduated from the U.S. Navy Academy in 1981 and the Executive Officer graduated from the U.S. Naval Academy in 1983. I believe that I graduated from the USNA in 1982. I believe those details demonstrate what is called the "missing man formation" in the aviator profession.
Much of my theory about that spaceship I have been writing about is based on the following sources. I haven't read this book, but it seems to be about the same spacecraft I have been studying:
Project Orion: The True Story of the Atomic Spaceship
Publisher: Henry Holt & Company, Inc.; 1st edition (April 16, 2002)
I found much information on that spacecraft in the source below as well as images from this next link.
Project Orion images
Orion Saturn V Nuclear pulse orbital launch vehicle.
Year: 1965.
Family: Orion.
Country: USA.
The final iteration of the Orion design was a nuclear pulse propulsion module launched into earth orbit by a Saturn V. The 100 tonne unit would have had a diameter of 10 m to match that of the booster. This would limit specific impulse to 1800 to 2500 seconds, still two to three times that of a nuclear thermal system.
A second launch would put a 100 tonne Mars spacecraft with a crew of eight into orbit. After rendezvous and checkout, the combined 200 tonne spacecraft would set out on a round trip to the Mars - total mission duration as little as 125 days!
This PDF document, which I found on the Project Orion wiki page, goes into a great deal of detail about the Project Orion spacecraft. Dated September 19, 1964, there is a mention of a "Space Taxi" in figure 3.11.
Also, much of the information about the dangers of Project Orion didn't apply to what we were doing. One of the original plans for Project Orion, and I guess it would be the only way to get the really big ships off the ground, was to propel the ship into orbit by detonating a nuclear bomb under the ship while it was on the surface of the planet, which would then produce a great deal of radioactive fallout in the atmosphere. My theory is that what we did is better described by the Orion Saturn V configuration, meaning that we launched the Project Orion spacecraft into orbit with conventional rockers and then maneuvered well away from Earth before I pushed the button to detonate that first in a chain of nuclear bombs that propelled me to the outer solar system, with a brief layover on Mars. I am thinking those images of the Project Orion spacecraft even show the storage canisters for the B41 thermonuclear bombs I planted on the comet. In one image, there are two large cylindrical canisters next to each other and next to that lifting-body type of shuttle craft that is also attached to the Orion spacecraft. I am thinking there would be two other canisters just like that on the other side, maybe even 5 altogether with a spare and the B41's, which were about 12 feet long by 4 feet high according to sources, were stored in those canisters. In July 1976, I put the Project Orion in some kind of parking orbit near the comet and then used the shuttle/lander to transport the canisters with the bombs, probably one at a time, or maybe two at a time, down to the comet, which was like flying through a hurricane that was going over a gravel pit.
One of the earliest clues I puzzled over consciously for a long time was from the premier of "Star Trek: Enterprise." I puzzled over several details from that first episode, with the most distinct clue being that it was titled "Broken Bow," which referred to its fictional setting in the real town of Broken Bow, Oklahoma. I immediately recognized Broken Bow because it was a town on the road between the town of Ashdown, Arkansas, where I went to high school, and the town of Antlers, Oklahoma, where I was born and my paternal grandfather still lived. And I wondered about the date of that fictional mission in that first episode as it was an April 16th and that seemed important to me as well from a past experience with the Navy in the Persian Gulf. That led to my "April 16" theory and that detail about Burgess Street at Eureka College is another example of that theory, as it always has to do with something about me being in the middle of something, and I think that is the symbolic message that was designed. As for Broken Bow, I really puzzled over that one when I was astounded to realize that Broken Bow is precisely at the mid-point on the road that travels between Antlers, OK, and Ashdown, AR. That must mean something I thought to myself many times but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. And there was April 16, too. I remembered April 16 as being the middle day between April 14, 1988, and April 18, 1988. All the people following me all these years knows what I've written about those two dates. The first is when the USS Roberts FFG-58 struck an anti-ship mine in the Persian Gulf. April 18, 1988, is when the U.S. Navy, including my ship, the USS Wainwright, retaliated and my ship was almost hit by an anti-ship missile. That mystery from "Star Trek" grew even more pronounced when I was watching the premier episode of "Lost," which premiered on 9/22/05, but that I didn't actually watch until that episode was re-run that following Saturday, 9/25/05, which is a variation of "59." The clue that really caught my attention was at the end of the two-part series premier. According to the transcript from that episode, the survivors of the crash picked up a distress call that had been repeating for 16 years, 5 months. I did my own calculation based on the numbers of iterations in that episode and counting backwards from that episode's television broadcast date of 9/29/05, the numbers pointed precisely to April 14, 1988, the day the USS Roberts struck that anti-ship mine. As for Broken Bow, I noticed something else that reinforced my theory: running through the middle of Broken Bow, OK, is Highway 259. Then I noticed something else: the road my father lived on near Asher, OK, was Highway 59. In the town I went to school in from 9th grade until graduation, we commonly referred to the main highway running through it as Highway 71. But according to the map, and I "remember" this too, it is also Highway 59. The town we lived in when I went to the 1st through 8th grades was named De Queen, AR, and we lived off Highway 59 there too. We lived in a trailer park that had a corn field next to it and then a drive-in movie theater next to the field. I found myself thinking about how the downtown area of De Queen looks remarkably similar to "Hill Valley" from "Back To The Future," which is a tangent I want to keep from veering off to right now, but I have plenty to write about that. Then I noticed something else when I remembered that girlfriend I had from camp named Phoebe. She lived in Williston, AR, and went to school in Rosston, AR. On the road between those two towns, almost exactly in the middle, was the intersection with Highway 76, reinforcing my theory that I visited the Saturn moon Phoebe in 1976. I have found several other occurrences of "76" in highways that I don't believe are coincidences. Back in De Queen, I looked at a place I "remember" living with my mom's second husband, James Nevells. This place was on the west side of De Queen and right between the place where Highway 70 forked as one part went through downtown De Queen and the other section went along the outskirts of town. One section is labeled after a person name "Raye" and the other section is labeled "Locke," reminiscent of the character "Locke" from "Lost." I have been thinking for a while that he is a member of my family, as is at least one other actor in the series. On May 9th, before I pinpointed the location of those lottery number lat/long coordinates, I had written earlier that day about how Lockesburg was almost precisely at the mid-point on the road between Ashdown and De Queen, consistent with my "April 16" theory.
My theory about my memory loss is reinforced by the 1994 movie "Star Trek: Generations," as well as a scene in "Quigley Down Under" where he says something about how wishes people would quit hitting him in the head. In "Generations," after "Captain Kirk" saves the "Enterprise-B," the scene shifts 78 years into the future and there are a few details there that stand out in my mind. The primary details I found myself considering is that if Patrick Stewart was really my father, several of those clues makes sense. My theory is that earlier that year, on 6/27/1994, I survived an airplane crash and I was the only survivor, not unlike that scene from "Unbreakable" where he is the only survivor of the train wreck. This overall theory about surviving an airplane crash formed when I read something about an aircraft that was part of a space program initiative to launch a rocket named "Pegasus" into orbit. The Pegasus rocket was a booster that carried communications satellites into orbit. The aircraft, that I believe I was flying as an officer of the U.S. Navy, was a Lockheed L-1011 and it had been nicknamed, "Stargazer." Any fan of Star Trek would recognize the name "Stargazer" as the first starship that "Captain Picard" commanded in the Star Trek universe, and according to sources, that was why it was given that nickname. The function of the Ten-Eleven aircraft was to fly up to an altitude of 40,000 feet - about 8 miles - and drop the Pegasus rocket, which was attached to the aircraft fuselage. The unmanned Pegasus rocket would ignite and blast into orbit. On this particular day of 6/27/94, when I believe I was flying the Ten-Eleven, nickname "Stargazer," while a U.S. Navy Lieutenant Commander, there was a serious problem with the launch of the Pegasus. All I really know about all this is one actual detail that I have read indicating that the "Stargazer" did launch a Pegasus rocket in June 1994, but the launch was a failure. That is all I really know. Everything else, as much of what I have written, are either real, forgotten memories trying to resurface in my mind, or it is all just random thoughts of imagination. I believe absolutely it is the former though. As for "Stargazer," I have two theories about what happened that day. One is that the rocket was deployed, but it exploded when it was supposed to ignite. The other theory is that the rocket fired before it had detached from the fuselage and carried us farther up into the atmosphere before it disconnected or exploded. Whichever way it happened, the impact to the aircraft was virtually the same and the aircraft broke into several pieces as it plummeted over 8 miles to Earth. This theory was reinforced when I read similar details from the transcript of the first episode of "Lost" where "Jack" told some other passengers that they had been at 40,000 feet when their plane broke apart. I believe the pilot who was killed by the polar bear in the pilot episode was a comical reference to me, and that while the first episodes of any new series are referred to as the "pilot" episode, I believe that series premier episode was titled "Pilot" to point to me as an aircraft pilot. So anyway, the plane crashed somewhere in a jungle, making me think of that scene in "Jurassic Park III" where they were rolling around in the airplane that crashed in the trees, and I am thinking that the "Stargazer" crashed somewhere in the jungle of South America. I figure I was on the ground for several days at the crash scene before being rescued. My thoughts suggest that the co-pilot survived at first but then died shortly after from injuries during the crash and before the rescue team arrived. This overall theory was further reinforced when I saw the movie "Superman Returns" earlier this year. That sequence with the airplane "Superman" saved from crashing was amazingly similar to my theory about the L-1011 "Stargazer" aircraft. The pilot in that movie was wearing the gold oak leaf insignia of a Lieutenant Commander in the USN or a Major of the other branches of the U.S. military. That newspaper title "Superman returns from nowhere to save space shuttle from destruction" was consistent with my theory that I saved the Columbia space shuttle in 1981. I found myself thinking about how quiet it must have been in there when the engines cut off that jet airliner and that was something I had thought of often connected to being on a U.S. Navy ship, which used jet turbines for engines. I thought often, maybe even dreamed about it at night, of one of more times when the ship's turbines stopped for some reason, and then it what seemed like an eternity, a lot of alarms would start going off. So back to "Generations," the detail that stands out in my mind is when "Picard" tells "Riker" that he "learned long ago to never underestimate Klingons" and then in the next scene where he went to the comm panel and found out his brother and nephew died in a fire. I believe that part about them dying in a fire actually represents what Patrick Stewart felt when he heard that I had crashed in the L-1011 "Stargazer" earlier that year and they would have surely thought we were all dead because it would have been such a violent explosion and crash. But they cleverly threw in that part before that scene about not underestimating "Worf" because, by that time, they knew that I actually had survived the explosion and crash. I have been thinking for awhile that "Worf" represents aspects of my military service and that the name is a variation on 'wolf.' I started thinking that the "r" was represent "our wolf" and then I decided that it represents "Reagan's wolf." I'm still entertaining the theory that NASA, probably in conjunction with the Russians, sent me on a secret trip to the Moon in 1994 to commemorate the 25th anniversary of Apollo 11. But I don't know. A component of that theory is that I went into orbit on STS-65 where the craft that would take me to the Moon was waiting. That shuttle launch was on 7/8/94, a possible clue itself, but considering that the "Stargazer" crash, if it even did crash, was only 11 days earlier, that seems crazy that I would then go on to take a trip to the Moon after surviving such a horrendous crash. But it is possible that I transferred from STS-65 to the trans-lunar ship, went to the moon, and transfered back to land on STS-65, because STS-65 was in orbit for 15 days and Apollo 11 itself only took 8 days from Earth-launch to Earth-landing. So anyway, I think my memory started fading more and more after all that and in 1997, I developed complete amnesia, from which it has taken me almost a decade to recover to this point. I have been under some form of control, some kind of mental control, such as hypnosis, although I don't know how they are doing it, for all this time.
