The Killers

JOURNAL ARCHIVE: posted by H.V.O.M at 6:53 PM Thursday, September 15, 2005


Family

I had never given much thought to my family history, to the genealogy of the name Burgess. I didn't have the typical (whatever that is) family life growing up. I didn't know my father very well. He was killed in 1985 when I was out to sea. I was just getting old enough to start thinking about asking him why he was never around. I feel close to my mother and sister but I haven't been in contact with them for a while. With all the weird stuff going on, I certainly don't want to get them involved. The nature of the media presence I sense is just too much, none of us have the experience or knowledge to deal with something like that. I wish I could see them all again soon, and my grandfather, whom I really miss.

So anyway, a few months ago, as I was searching the internet for clues, I found a family tree for Burgess. It starts with William Burgess who I guess would be the first American Burgess and then ends with the 6th generation, which includes my paternal grandfather, and would make me the 8th generation. I thought this was very interesting, and I certainly admire all the hard work it must have taken to put something like this together. Later I tried connecting a person named Colonel Burgess from the 1600's to the William Burgess of 1760 but it is pretty tough to find that kind of information.

I think that never really having what I perceived as the normal family when I grew up is what makes it harder for me to settle down. I guess I am afraid of not being able to create the kind of family I want to have. My only real long-term experience with marriage is just that it ends at some point. I have no idea what a family is supposed to be. I care about my mom and sister because we grew up together and went through a lot together. But I think about my future and reading through that family tree just solidified the thoughts I had been having for a long time. What is my contribution to all this? The lineage doesn't end with me, but still what do I contribute to it? Does my story end with the actions of my life? Or will I have offspring of my own to continue our part of the name?

I could have offspring of my own if I wanted to. But why? To become my own father? No, if I have kids, I want to do it right and, while just being a good father is no assurance of raising good kids - I guess - I don't want to raise kids just to let them fend for themselves. I have also heard people say they weren't in love when they got married and that is probably the single point of difference from me. I have always insisted to myself that we are both in love before getting married. But then I grew worried that, while I may be in love, how do I know she is in love with me or that she just sees me as a "donor, as I used to worry. I worried about women that were marrying for kids instead of for love. For me, there was an order to it. You fell in love, you got married, then maybe, probably, you had kids. That was absolutely the only way it was going to happen with me.

And I often worried about how I don't have the first clue about raising kids. Or maybe I do. I don't know. I know they should be good role models. But what do I know about role models? The role models from my early youth were Superman and Batman. Superman I liked and wanted to be because I knew no one could hurt us if I had the strength of Superman. Batman I liked because he was smart. I liked both of them because they were loners for the most part, especially Batman. Superman had Lois Lane, but it was more of a fantasy than a real relationship. Batman was just angry at the world and he didn't want to depend on anyone, although he felt obligated to help the people he could help.

So anyway, if I was a super-hero, I would probably feel comfortable raising kids myself, but that is just a lot of responsibility for a mortal.


[JOURNAL ARCHIVE 15 September 2005 excerpt ends]










http://www.azlyrics.com/k/killers.html

AZ

THE KILLERS

album: "Sam's Town" (2006)



http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/killers/readmymind.html


THE KILLERS


"Read My Mind"

On the corner of main street
Just tryin' to keep it in line
You say you wanna move on and
You say I'm falling behind

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

I never really gave up on
Breakin' out of this two-star town
I got the green light
I got a little fight
I'm gonna turn this thing around

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

The good old days, the honest man;
The restless heart, the Promised Land
A subtle kiss that no one sees;
A broken wrist and a big trapeze

Oh well I don't mind, if you don't mind
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Before you go, can you read my mind?

It’s funny how you just break down
Waitin' on some sign
I pull up to the front of your driveway
With magic soakin' my spine

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

The teenage queen, the loaded gun;
The drop dead dream, the Chosen One
A southern drawl, a world unseen;
A city wall and a trampoline

Oh well I don't mind, if you don't mind
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Before you jump
Tell me what you find when you read my mind

Slippin’ in my faith until I fall
You never returned that call
Woman, open the door, don't let it sting
I wanna breathe that fire again

She said I don't mind, if you don't mind
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine

Put your back on me
Put your back on me
Put your back on me

The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun
When you read my mind










1978 film "Superman" DVD video:

01:29:56


Lois Lane: Do you know what it is that you do to me? I don't know who you are. Just a friend from another star.



- posted by H.V.O.M - Kerry Wayne Burgess 9:44 PM Pacific Time Spokane Valley Washington USA Thursday 15 January 2015