"Never no more, will I be a stay-at-home."

The doctors at the VA hospital back in the year 2005 told me I'm crazy.

They didn't use such precise terms but years later when I look back at the stuff I was saying in the years after I was, in retrospect, confined to the Veterans Affairs hospital in Seattle for a couple weeks in 2005 then I have to agree that I really was crazy.

I think about those days confined on the floor of the mental health unit in the high-rise building in Seattle, with the staff telling me one time I remember best that I wasn't allowed to leave the floor of that mental health unit, and I think about how they had me drugged up to the point I could not stay awake and of how I hated going back to the hospital bed because I didn't want to sleep but there was no place else to go during the day, and I think of the morning the doctors would come in to see me and I remember vaguely rambling on but what I seem to recall best is how the doctor was watching me closely as I spoke and I recall him speaking to me and I am thinking again: he was watching my eyes.

And I believe I am crazy because I am judged by doctors at the VA because I am not actively aware of details about my past military career that they hold in high regard and that I think of now as being irrelevant to the task at hand.

I think now about this for reasons not obvious here or in my blog. I think about stuff I have let other people slide on. Other people forgetting a lot of stuff I told them relevant to their jobs and that I held in high regard. And there was a lot forgotten that was relevant to the task at hand and a lot of stuff I let slide, promises made, and then completely forgotten.

And when I seem to have forgotten about stuff the doctors at the Veterans hospital think is very important to a military career then I am the one called crazy.



- posted by H.V.O.M - Kerry Wayne Burgess 12:12 AM Pacific Time Spokane Valley Washington USA Wednesday 21 May 2014