After Kirk disappears from the Enterprise-B and is presumed dead, the timeline jumps ahead 78 years to the time of Captain Picard. '78' is a recurring theme in my memory and of the life I imagine of Thomas Ray. I believe he started the USNA in 1978. The year 1987, '7' and '8' transposed is the year that I believe he returned from dead, so to speak. I don't know if ST:TNG had been planned because they thought he was dead or because he returned alive. Or if any of this even happened at all. I am proceeding on faith that the controllers of this treatment program let me retain these thoughts over the past few weeks because it is all true. As for one topic I wrote about in my journal recently, for example, I wrote that I don't think about it anymore because it didn't happen to Thomas Ray, that I am not supposed to think about it at all, or that I am not ready to think about it yet.
When Kirk shows up in the movie again, he is shown chopping wood. That seems important for some reason. I remember two occurrences of people saying something about "lumberjack" around me at Microsoft. Once in a class and another time at the company picnic. These seem like trivial details but I think I have retained them all because it is evidence. I am not consciously aware of what it means, but my subconscious knows precisely what those details mean. The controllers of this treatment program are not so much as putting thoughts into my head as they are letting my real presonality, the identity of Thomas Ray, reassert himself. He seems to show up most times in stress. I while back I wrote something in my journal, not really believing it, that I was going to suddenly find myself able to speak and read several different foreign languages. Now I do believe it although I have not regained those skills. I also started thinking that I have martial arts skills, possibly even highly skilled. I started thinking I am trained in aikido. That realization reminded of a woman that made a point to introduce herself to me at work one day. Her name was Akiko, which is spelled kind of the same.
That in turn reminds me of something else from my last few years at Microsoft. There was a guy in my group named Tom Devey and he was working on a virtual team that I was leading. When I started looking at photos of Ilan Ramon recently, I realized they resemble each other very well.
As for Generations, I felt some comfort from this extreme isolation over almost a decade a few days ago when I thought more about that scene where Picard is telling Riker that he learned long ago to not underestimate Klingons, in reference to Worf. Then he got the call that his nephew and brother had been killed in that fire. I think those two details represent, in something like reverse order, his own experience where I had been in that Ten-Eleven accident of 6/27/94. I am thinking that Patrick Stewart got a call that Thomas Ray had crashed and burned with his aircraft. I have this feeling that "Captain Picard's" brother is a representation of the real-life Patrick Stewart. In my symbolic memory, I have started thinking that my father actually represents me and that is how he died, in the crash of his freight truck which then burned. I think the character "Worf" represents Thomas Ray in several aspects. Early on as I started to understand a few months ago, I started to think that Thomas Ray was a graduate of Van Nuys High School in Los Angeles. As I looked up, the mascot of the school is the Wolf. I think "Worf" is a variation of that word. Then I started to think that they put in the "r" to represent "Our Wolf." Then I started to think it meant "Reagan's Wolf."
