Not long after my May 9th revelation, I began to think of all this in the framework of the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode, "Tapesty." I think that is the primary blueprint for bringing me back around. It is brilliant. There is also some elements of the blue pill/red pill from "The Matrix," except it is sort of in reverse in certain aspects. I took the red pill about two weeks ago. I think that was the meaning of something that happened. The "red pill" will begin another phase of bringing back the identity of Thomas Ray.
As for "Tapestry," everything matches up. In my memory of Kerry Burgess, the farthest rank I attained was E-5, which is the second level of Petty Officer, a non-commissioned officer. In "Star Trek," they traditionally don't write much about Petty Officers, so in "Tapesty," they had Picard as a Lieutenant junior grade, which is the second level of commissioned officer.
Then I remembered something someone asked me at work one day. She asked me what I would do if I could chose an alternate career. I told her I would become an astronomer. She responded, "Oh, because of..." and trailed off. After I started thinking of "Tapestry," I started to wonder if she knew about all this.
Another part that reinforced my belief in this concept is my memory of my Navy performance reviews. I was described as a highly-competent technician and sailor in the details sections of the reviews. But the front part of the review always had a lower rating for "Initiative" among the other characteristics.
With "Tapestry" as a guide, Thomas Ray seemed to be a highly-motivated person. I remember Kerry Burgess being motivated too, but he must have only 10% the motivation of Thomas Ray.
I also made that same crucial choice long ago and I wouldn't do anything different other than try to do the same things better.
Another episode that I connected with early on, with me as the character of "Riker" is "Frame Of Mind." I haven't seen that episode in a long time, but from what I remember, it accurately symbolizes the past few years in many ways, at points even in the literal sense. I feel as though I am about 45 minutes into the episode. I don't remember what actually happens in the episode at the 45 minute point so that may not be accurate. I feel as though I have at least progressed past the worst parts. I have been at this point many times before though over the years. I have expressed it several times where I am adrift in the ocean. I completed my mission and now I am hoping that someone will pick me out of the water. But I don't even know if they are looking for me. The change lately is that I have recognized the obvious signs of rescue. I just don't know if the sharks are going to get me before they get here. Either way, I completed my mission. But I still hope they will haul me aboard so that I can serve many more years in the Navy.
