From: Kerry Burgess
To: Kerry Burgess
Sent: Thursday, May 18, 2006 1:30:44 PM
Subject: Star Trek: TNG: Clues, February 11, 1991
[February 11th is one of those dates I recognize when I see it. It reminds me of one time someone wrote my birthday as Feb. 11th on a medical report, they transposed the 2 and 11 of my real, I guess, birthday of Nov. 2nd. And the episode is appropriately titled "Clues." Even more weird, this stuff seems to be just appearing in my mind lately, not sure how to describe it. It's like a light switch being turned on and this stuff......I don't know, it just feels right. But it also feels like there is more, a lot more. I wonder, worry really, that everything I remember is false. Where I have a memory of doing something, it was actually me watching someone else do that action. While I remember a certain event as happening one way, there is a seed of truth to that event, but it happened completely different than I remember.
And this episode features a time period of 30 seconds, which was the time period of the beacon signal in Lost. The stardate of 2367 reminds me of my first two pickups, which were both made in 1967, a symbol for the concept of "vehicle," perhaps? As in this is all a vehicle for some unknown plan? And the 1967 pickup reminds me of that pickup Bill Murray was driving off the cliff in Groundhog Day, as it looked like the first pickup I owned (or did I?).]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clues_%28TNG_episode%29
The crew awake from unconsciousness after passing through a wormhole. As the only one unaffected, Data states they have been unconscious for approximately 30 seconds. However, several things do not match up to Data's claim. As the crew investigate, it appears that Data has lied to them.
----- Original Message ----
From: Kerry Burgess
To: Kerry Burgess
Sent: Friday, May 19, 2006 9:38:16 AM
Subject: Space: Above and Beyond, Sept. 24, 1995
[I've been thinking about this series this morning. I was frustrated they didn't renew the series, especially because I wanted to see what became of the pilots in that final episode. Also, interesting date for that first episode, seems important.]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space:_Above_and_Beyond
Space: Above and Beyond (sometimes also Space 2063, and also abbreviated as S:AAB) was a short-lived 1990s American science fiction television show on the Fox Network, created and written by Glen Morgan and James Wong. Originally planned for 5 seasons, it ran only for the 1995–1996 season. The show, set in the years 2063–2064, focuses on a group of United States Marines, members of the United States Marine Corps Space Aviator Cavalry, 58th Squadron, or the "Wildcards"). They are based on the spacecraft carrier USS Saratoga, and act as infantry and also pilot the SA-43 Endo/Exo-Atmospheric Attack Jet, or Hammerhead, spacecraft.
----- Original Message ----
From: Kerry Burgess
To: Kerry Burgess
Sent: Friday, May 19, 2006 9:50:37 AM
Subject: Mission to Mars, March 10, 2000
[When this movie came out, I remember thinking how familar was one part. Some time earlier, I had been imagining the same kind of scenario where I was in a similar kind of spacecraft, but had to exit it and try to intercept another spacecraft.
I have also been thinking this morning how all this would be good mental preparation for some kind of trip like in this movie. I suspect they have been making me paranoid so they would know how I would behave under those kinds of conditions, specifically to know that I wouldn't start destroying equipment. And it is also good mental preparation for such conditions. As well as mental preparation for if things went wrong. Imagine a spacecraft going out of control and on an irrecoverable trajectory. This situation is good mental preparation for knowing that while I can still communicate with people back on Earth, there's nothing they can do to help. There is also an element here for mental preparation in case I run out of food. Running out of oxygen is actually a pretty easy problem to deal with because they end result will happen so quickly. With food, though, it's a different story because it can be a lot more agonizing. You could prepare for something like this by fasting, but it's really not the same thing. As I was coincidentally writing about the differences earlier, with fasting you know it is going to end. In my situation last year, it was a lot like being in space and running out of food. I have this memory, not sure if it real, of telling someone that I remember as my sister, that I wanted to be an astronaut. I think that was early '90s. I realize now that I have written a few things about that too without really thinking about it.]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mission_to_mars
Mission to Mars is a 2000 U.S. made movie directed by Brian de Palma. It is a science fiction thriller adventure about a rescue mission of the first manned mission to Mars, which encountered a catastrophic and mysterious disaster.
----- Original Message ----
From: Kerry Burgess
To: Kerry Burgess
Sent: Saturday, May 20, 2006 1:38:07 PM
Subject: Re: Journal May 20, 2006
Something is there, something. It is like a shadow. Or something you glimpse in the corner of your eye. It is familar unfamilarity that appears then disappears.
Kerry Burgess
I've been wanting to see the 1978 remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers for a long time, but it hasn't been on anywhere.
Kerry Burgess
That 1998 movie Dark City seems important too.
And I just noticed on wikipedia that Tom Cruise's real name is supposed to be Thomas Cruise Mapother IV, seems an important clue. His birthday is listed as July 3, which is the day I connect with the Vincennes. God, I hope I wasn't responsible for that.
Kerry Burgess
There is still something there. Just slightly beyond my reach. The key that unlocks all this. I just can't quite get it. A phantom
Kerry Burgess
That movie Minority Report may have something to do with this too, although I'm not sure what it could be. I remember one time at Microsoft I was explaining to coworkers how I thought the computer interface Tom Cruise was using could actually be implemented in real life.
Kerry Burgess
I am also remembering that episode a long time ago, shortly after the Star Trek movie Insurrection premiered. I met that woman with the scar on her neck. I was very attracted to her. There was something special about her as soon as I saw her the first time. Today I have been wondering if she is the Janeway character in all this. I wonder to if we are some kind of cyborgs, part machine, part human. Being 50% machine and 50% man, I would need a woman that is the same.
Kerry Burgess
In that movie Mission To Mars, there is that part where the second team arrive on Mars. The guy that survived for months there alone has lost it to some degree. The woman who lost her husband explains that extended periods of low-gravity can have that effect on the brain. As I write this, I almost feel like something is figuratively tugging at my mind. Anyway, if low-grav does have that effect, there needs to be a mechanism to help someone keep anchored in reality. Either by training them mentally or through artificial means of mind control. This adds weight to my hunch that I have some kind of device implanted in the back of my head. And it probably means it receives FM signals, although it could be any frequency, but FM would make more sense. Although it could be satellite too, really anything is possible without knowing the details. Although the possibilities are limited, I mean, this isn't Star Trek. I suspect the creators of this project conspired with people in the movie media to condition rational people to dismiss such theories so that no one would really consider the possibility of someone really being mind-controlled so that the project would not be jeopardized.
I remembered again today that I rarely get sick. I do get sick, cold, flu, etc., but only if I am around sick people that infect me. I have gone out and beat myself into the ground to the point of hypothermia and still didn't sick. This reminds me of that movie Unbreakable where he talks about not getting sick. I have started thinking that when people cough around me, especially in my direction, they are trying to infect me. Either because they were put up to it, or just because they are malicious. I've noticed that some people just enjoy tearing down stuff that other people created. Some people enjoy creating, other people, defective humans, just enjoy destroying other people's creations.
Someone spoke my apparently false name this morning in a conspicously staged manner. That tells me I am not getting my real identity back today. Maybe tomorrow.
1987 was the year ST:TNG premiered and it was the same year my apparently false memory tells me I reported to the Wainwright. At some point, Wainwright was known as a "World Class Cruiser" while the Star Trek:TNG Enterprise was a Galaxy-class starship.
They have been driving, or herding, me for a long time. That episode on the bridge last year was probably the last experiment of that phase. There is some element in that phase about free will. Part of it is to strengthen my mind with regards to free will. There may also be an element of demonstrating to the observers the distinction between mind control and free will. I think I wrote about this yesterday, but they needed to know that I wasn't going to get depressed after being isolated for so long and kill myself. I remember talking to doctors along the way that I wasn't depressed, I was just in a depressing situation. There was also something I read a while back in the newspaper about the difference between depression and disappointment and I have been experiencing the latter as a result of the manipulation of my environment by the controllers of this experiment. Since the bridge episode, I think they have been focused on trying to make me paranoid with the same objectives as stated earlier. That explains a lot.
In the Star Trek: TNG movie, First Contact, there is that scene where Cochrane states inquisitively that they are all astronauts on some kind of star trek. That seems a lot more relevant in my mind today.
Was it in the movie Vanilla Sky where Tom Cruise was talking about that song his movie used to listen to over and over? Something about a dock by the bay. I thought about that as I was walking back into this shelter and looking at that dock across the road.
There are probably a lot more clues and even answers to all this encoded into the series X-Files. But I could never get into that series and I would need some serious computer time, which I can't get, to research it further.
If it is true this is about an expedition to Mars, then it makes sense that the most ambitious endeavor attempted to date by humans would require the most extraordinary methods for preparation of that journey.
I had a slight cold shortly after moving onto this floor, but other than that, I haven't been sick a single day since leaving Microsoft, even after using these nasty-ass computers here on this floor. I worry people are going to increase their efforts to make me sick though simply because they know I worry about it.
I was thinking last night about that Star Trek movie Search For Spock.
I also thought more about that sci-fi series from a few years back, Back Step. And I realized that I am a chrononaut. There is a literary vehicle for time travel. And in the spirit of that last episode of TNG, it starts with something small in the future, and as you look farther back in time, the larger it gets. There are some other nuances there I haven't fully figured out yet. Part of it is that my false identity is confusing me. That was an element of Back Step, where Parker was the only one who remembered all the alternate realities.
The movie and series Stargate probably has some clues in all this as well.
I am thinking more about that element to Vanilla Sky where he calls for tech support. I am thinking about these two women that I have seen that look kind of similar and I am wondering if they are the same person although I have some real or artificial doubts about that.
Another element of this experiment is to help me understand and identify the signs of delusional thinking and behavior, probably in myself and in other people.
I remember from my obviously false past that my imaginary father used to use the name Kerry as an alias when he was cheating on my mother. I remember my mother telling me she wanted to name me after him, but he wanted to call me Kerry. Maybe that means my real name is actually Joseph Wayne Burgess. But I don't know.
When I was driving my Explorer vehicle from home back to Charleston, I was returning to the Taylor. I am thinking about something I wrote awhile back about that movie Planet of the Apes. I am wondering about the significance of the astronaut Taylor. And Charleston, has some similarity to the name Charlton Heston. I think those are all real persons and places, but they constructed the tapestry of my memory out of those real places.
