JOURNAL ARCHIVE: Date: Tue, 28 Mar 2006 19:55:37 -0800 (PST)
From: "Kerry Burgess"
Subject: Re: Sleep journal 3/28/06
To: "Kerry Burgess"
Kerry Burgess wrote:
Very interesting dream that featured prominently my imaginary girlfriend, whom made me smile today. She told me in the dream "when I'm ready." That's what I was hoping to hear, but then, just like sitting in front of the tv, none of it is really real. There was at least one, maybe more, weird strange aspects to the dream, but I think it was just mischief on the part of the dream manipulator. I figured she was personally directing the dream and threw that in to screw with my head, or someone else was relaying her comments/whatever-however-it's-done to my sleeping mind. After awaking I was extremely annoyed at the people that are actively disturbing my sleep. I slept one time for almost 6 hours, but all the other times are no more than 3 hours every 12 hours or so. I'm going crazy here, I need some goddamned sleep.
[JOURNAL ARCHIVE 28 March 2006 excerpt ends]
JOURNAL ARCHIVE: Date: Tue, 28 Mar 2006 19:55:37 -0800 (PST)
From: "Kerry Burgess"
Subject: Re: Sleep journal 3/28/06
To: "Kerry Burgess"
Kerry Burgess wrote:
And before the happy-time-with-my-imaginary-girlfriend segment of the dream, there was something about something collapsing that I didn't want to be around.
[JOURNAL ARCHIVE 28 March 2006 excerpt ends]
JOURNAL ARCHIVE: Date: Tue, 28 Mar 2006 19:55:37 -0800 (PST)
From: "Kerry Burgess"
Subject: Re: Sleep journal 3/28/06
To: "Kerry Burgess"
Kerry Burgess wrote:
I think what that one part of the dream was saying was that we could hang out when I was ready. Whether that was a real foreign dream or just a regular dream representing loneliness, I don't know. I hope it was foreign dream though because she is one super cutie. I was thinking today that I would like to see her wearing jeans. Ok, well, I want to see her not wearing jeans, but you got to start somewhere. Anyway, what I worry about is trying to get close to anyone for a long time. I have felt like I have been literally living with millions of people for so long, all I want now and for the foreseeable future is to have just the opposite. To go somewhere and feel like people aren't tracking me or staging stuff around me or talking about me like I wasn't standing there knowing they were talking about me. She seems like a nice person, although how the hell I know that, I do not know. I am going to seek some counseling when this is all over. But only when it's over. As it is now, I am sick of explaining this all again to someone new and to have to deal with the deception and bullshit. At least when it's over, I can focus on recovery instead of trying to figure out why this is still going on, why I still have no private life. And how can I even be intimate with anyone when I have no private life? Everywhere I go, someone is secretly listening. If I bring her into my life, we are just going to be involuntary porn stars for those bastards. It is going to take a long time to put that behind me. And I still haven't even reached that day yet I start to put it all behind me. It continues this minute, it will continue the next minute. Another unread message to my anonymous captors.
[JOURNAL ARCHIVE 28 March 2006 excerpt ends]
