Just moments after I started to review my journal on my offline computer to find the details for this posting that song started playing on the Comcast music channel I have playing on the television behind me.
JOURNAL ARCHIVE: 9/13/2006 3:41 PM
Or was that so-called memory implanted in my mind at some point to associate me with this series? I was thinking about something similar last night and I have written about this before. The trouble with implanted memories is that they can seem so real. A memory could be implanted in my mind that seems to be thirty years old but actually has only been in my mind since the previous night.
[JOURNAL ARCHIVE 13 September 2006 excerpt ends]
JOURNAL ARCHIVE: 9/8/2006 7:58 PM
The hardest part was probably to deflect memories of women that I was involved in and were still present in the media. They could deflect my memory by breaking the cycle of recollection, but it would have needed ongoing reinforcement to block associating them with my real life.
[JOURNAL ARCHIVE 8 September 2006 excerpt ends]
JOURNAL ARCHIVE: Date: posted by H.V.O.M at 9:13 PM Saturday, September 10, 2005
My Future's So Bright
You know, this would actually all be kind of fun. All this stuff happening like the example I gave below about the Manchurian Candidate movie. There have been many other connections I have observed. I don't have the concrete evidence to prove it all yet, but as long as there is air in my lungs I will believe it is personally connected to me somehow. If it wasn't so destructive to my personal life, mainly because I just have no experience at this kind of thing on this level. If it wasn't for this black cloud (yes, I saw the two of you on the beach last time I was in Coeur d'Alene) over me, this would probably be pretty fun. Who wouldn't want to have the kind of influence I seem to have? But, for some reason, I am not supposed to know about it. I can't fully explain that part. It's all kinda cool, but believe me, I do not want it and will actively try to keep it from continuing. The absolute last thing I want is to be a public figure.
One theory I have had in all this is that some fictional characters I am seeing, in movies like the Manchurian Candidate, represent some attributes of my personality. In other words, one character's strongest trait reflects one of my traits and another character represent one of my other traits. Still other characters may reflect another actual person that is somehow connected to me. I think it was Manchurian Candidate that started me thinking in these terms because it was easy to pick out a lot of my own characteristics. I wrote earlier about those and another one I have been thinking about was the character Rosie. There was a similar girl in my life recently before this all turned so weird that I was crazy about. But it felt like someone was trying to thwart us. That was unsettling and I certainly didn't want to get her involved in this craziness. Then I started thinking about the significance of the Shaw character. I started thinking he might have something to do with me as well. I started thinking this is all about Microsoft. I suspect they started some kind of campaign to let people watch Microsoft people at work. We were zoo exhibits and the audience got to watch us in our natural habitats. We were goldfish in a bowl that people could see into but we could not see out of. But I suspect what happened is I became popular and that made me a political target, or so is one of my theories. It sounds paranoid but it makes sense to me and I will believe to my dying day there is someone out there that can corroborate all this. So anyway, the politicians took notice of me, probably the Republicans because anyone listening to me would probably classify me as a Democrat although that is not necessarily true and I am more of a centrist and could fall into either category. My misfortune is that I had not sworn my allegiance to any particular politician and their associated party so that made me someone to keep an eye on and if I am becoming popular, then I needed to be marginalized until they know which side I am on. I think they call this kind of person in the political arena a "dark horse." I certainly wasn't a political candidate but yet it felt like I was. It made no sense. I literally felt like a political candidate last year for some crazy reason and I know for certain someone out there can corroborate that. So anyway, that is what the Shaw character was supposed to represent. It represented Microsoft putting me on the public stage and I believe with the intention of turning me into a public figure and into politician, representing their interests of course. But me, I am Denzel's character trying to shoot Shaw's character because I want nothing to do with all this especially because they are trying to do it all by manipulating me.
Yesterday, one of the staff here suggested that I write a screenplay about all this. Initially I dismissed the idea because I explained that I don't write screenplays. I have no idea how to write a screenplay. If it was something I was going to do it would be something I would have to study for a while. I also explained another reason, which is the primary reason: I don't know the ending to all this yet. I said I might do it after all this has ended. But I thought more about it later and it became an intriguing idea. I thought of a way to do it without having reached the end. At the risk of creating something cheesy, I decided I would model the story after a recurring dream I was having for years after leaving the navy. In my recurring dream, I would wake up back on my ship, the USS Wainwright (CG-28), and it was still 1988 and we were still deployed to the Persian Gulf as part of Operation Earnest Will and Operation Praying Mantis. In my dream, I woke up and realized that I had dreamed all these years afterwards. All this life had never happened, existing only in my dreams, and I was still in reality in the PG. It was unsettling. So I'm thinking this story or screenplay as they call it does the same thing basically. You don't really know if I ever left the Gulf.
[JOURNAL ARCHIVE 10 September 2005 excerpt ends]
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/talkingheads/onceinalifetime.html
TALKING HEADS
"Once In A Lifetime"
And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
wife
And you may ask yourself-Well...How did I get here?
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Water dissolving...and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?...Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
