"A Tale of Two Santas"

JOURNAL ARCHIVE: July 23, 2006


I must have worked with the Afghani's back in the 80s to sort of even the score with what the Soviets did to our troops in Vietnam. That's why Jayne Donovan made some comment about going on a jihad when we had that first meeting in December 1998 or early 1999. I probably trained some mujahadin on how to shoot down Hind's or something. I probably even shot down a few Soviet bombers myself from a fighter jet. That may explain some thoughts I was having a while back about some seemingly imaginary combat I experienced in Afghanistan.


[JOURNAL ARCHIVE 23 July 2006 excerpt ends]





JOURNAL ARCHIVE: July 31, 2006


When I think more about Kalpana, I think I must have known her. I remember this woman I worked with early on at Microsoft, who I think was also of Indian-descent. What was her name? Charitha? She was on Jayne Donovan's team with me. I remember that time we had a team outing to go skiing up on the I-90 pass. One woman was talking about how Charitha had bought some ski gear the night before but then didn't go with us. There is something important about this skiing business. I just can't remember what it is.


[JOURNAL ARCHIVE 31 July 2006 excerpt ends]










http://www.tv.com/shows/hawaii-five-0/ke-koho-mamao-aku-longshot-3057905/

tv.com



Hawaii Five-0 Season 5 Episode 9

Ke Koho Mamao Aku (Longshot)

Aired Friday 9:00 PM Dec 12, 2014 on CBS

Five-0 travels to the Big Island to investigate when a cowboy is poisoned. Where there, Max is forced to work with a rival medical examiner.

AIRED: 12/12/14










http://www.tv.com/shows/futurama/xmas-story-1550/

tv.com


Futurama Season 2 Episode 8

Xmas Story

Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Dec 19, 1999 on Comedy Central

AIRED: 12/19/99





http://www.tv.com/shows/futurama/a-tale-of-two-santas-101320/

tv.com


Futurama Season 4 Episode 2

A Tale of Two Santas

Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Dec 23, 2001 on Comedy Central

AIRED: 12/23/01










http://www.imsdb.com/transcripts/Futurama-Xmas-Story.html

The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


FUTURAMA


Episode 208

"XMAS STORY"


[Catskills Ski Lodge. The whole Planet Express staff are on a ski holiday. The room is packed with people waiting for a show.]

ANNOUNCER
Ladies and gentlemen: Conan O'Brien's head.

[The audience cheer.]

O'BRIEN
Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Looks like someone forgot to feed Max. So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh?

BENDER
No. they fixed that 900 years ago.

O'BRIEN
Just bear with me, sir. Anyway, I'm walking to work this morning--

BENDER
I doubt it!

O'BRIEN
Listen, pal, I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the war of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have: A soul!

BENDER
Eh.

O'BRIEN
And freckles! Well, I'm out of material. You can catch me next week at the Andromeda Chuckle Hut. Enjoy your breakfast.

[The audience applauds.]

[Mountains. The staff are geared up for skiing. They walk away from the lodge.]

BENDER
Ah, lets face it: Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy ... ... That's funny!










http://www.imsdb.com/transcripts/Futurama-Xmas-Story.html

The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


FUTURAMA


Episode 208

"XMAS STORY"


[Hermes and Zoidberg are on the ski lift but it isn't moving.]

HERMES
Jah damnit! We're stuck.

ZOIDBERG
At least you're not cold blooded!

[He puts a glove over his mouth.]

HERMES
Sweet lion of Zion! Look at the Professor go.

[He points at Farnsworth who is skis well. He is actually asleep.]










http://www.imsdb.com/transcripts/Futurama-Xmas-Story.html

The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


FUTURAMA


Episode 208

"XMAS STORY"


FRY
Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit.

FARNSWORTH
What-mas?

FRY
Christmas. You know? X-M-A-S.

LEELA
Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "aks".

FRY
Xmas, huh? Y'know this'll be my first Xmas away from home.

LEELA
Hey, hey. Let me aks you something: Would it cheer you up if we went and cut down an Xmas tree?

FRY
Yeah! An old-fashioned Xmas tree!

[Forest. Fry seems disappointed that Xmas trees are palm trees.]

FRY
Hey! These aren't Xmas trees!










JOURNAL ARCHIVE: Saturday, September 03, 2005 7:30 PM


Chechaquo

This is an excerpt from To Build A Fire that made an impression with me early on and has felt especially relevant for the past few years:

But all this--the mysterious, far-reaching hairline trail, the absence of sun from the sky, the tremendous cold, and the strangeness and weirdness of it all--made no impression on the man. It was not because he was long used to it. He was a new-comer in the land, a chechaquo, and this was his first winter. The trouble with him was that he was without imagination. He was quick and alert in the things of life, but only in the things, and not in the significances. Fifty degrees below zero meant eighty odd degrees of frost. Such fact impressed him as being cold and uncomfortable, and that was all. It did not lead him to meditate upon his frailty as a creature of temperature, and upon man's frailty in general, able only to live within certain narrow limits of heat and cold; and from there on it did not lead him to the conjectural field of immortality and man's place in the universe. Fifty degrees below zero stood for a bite of frost that hurt and that must be guarded against by the use of mittens, ear-flaps, warm moccasins, and thick socks. Fifty degrees below zero was to him just precisely fifty degrees below zero. That there should be anything more to it than that was a thought that never entered his head.


[JOURNAL ARCHIVE 03 September 2005 excerpt ends]





http://www.online-literature.com/london/101

THE LITERATURE NETWORK


Literature Network » Jack London » To Build a Fire

To Build a Fire










http://www.imsdb.com/transcripts/Futurama-Xmas-Story.html

The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


FUTURAMA


Episode 208

"XMAS STORY"


[Leela watches the others. She sighs and walks out.]

[Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. Leela opens her locker and gets out a photo album. She looks at photos of her childhood. One shows her as a baby in an area marked "Abandoned Property". Another shows her outside the Orphanarium, smiling. Children point at her and laugh. Another shows her at her senior prom with no date. She closes the album and a tear falls onto it.]

[Planet Express: Attic Room.]

FRY
What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the lonliest person on Earth. Hey, Leela, how 'bout a little sympathy here, huh?










http://screenplayexplorer.com/wp-content/scripts/Inception.pdf

INCEPTION


MILES
And now you want me to let someone else follow you into fantasy.

COBB
They won't actually come on the job, they'll just design the levels and teach them to the dreamers.

MILES
Design them yourself.

COBB
Mal won't let me.










http://www.imsdb.com/transcripts/Futurama-A-Tale-Of-Two-Santas.html

The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


FUTURAMA


Episode 402

"A TALE OF TWO SANTAS"


FARNSWORTH
Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building.

FRY
Alright!

LEELA
Yeah!

[Bender breathes a sigh of relief.]

FARNSWORTH
In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.










JOURNAL ARCHIVE: 11/1/2006 3:14 PM
May 4, 2005, was the day I went to the Kent Police department for help. I named George W. Bush specifically as one of the people harassing me. The policeman didn’t ask me any questions. He dumped me off at the St. Francis hospital in Federal Way where the first thing they did was secretly drug my food. I found it very hard to restrain the urge to laugh shortly after I had eaten.


[JOURNAL ARCHIVE 01 November 2006 excerpt ends]










http://www.imsdb.com/transcripts/Futurama-A-Tale-Of-Two-Santas.html

The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


FUTURAMA


Episode 402

"A TALE OF TWO SANTAS"


BAILIFF
This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honourable Judge Whitey presiding.

[Whitey takes his seat and bangs his gavel.]

WHITEY
Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead?

BENDER
Not Santa!

[Farnsworth stands up and points at Bender.]

FARNSWORTH
There he is again!

[He shoots Bender in the back.]

[Time Lapse. The Hyper-Chicken Lawyer questions the witness, a little girl.]

HYPER-CHICKEN
Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box but t'ain't no need to fear me. I'm sorry, I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there. No further questions. Daddy done good, huh?

[Time Lapse. Bender cross-examines the girl.]

BENDER
Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony?

PRAMALA
Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy.

BENDER
And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

[Pramala bursts into tears.]

WHITEY
Quit badgering the witness!

[The Hyper-Chicken jumps up.]

HYPER-CHICKEN
Badger? Where?

[He clucks around in a mad panic. Whitey bangs his gavel.]

WHITEY
Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you to be executed at sundown.

[He bangs his gavel. Bender is shocked. Smitty and URL lead him away.]

LEELA
It's not fair. I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.










http://www.tv.com/shows/the-twilight-zone/where-is-everybody-12585/trivia/

tv.com


The Twilight Zone Season 1 Episode 1

Where is Everybody?

Aired Unknown Oct 02, 1959 on CBS

Quotes


Ferris: Just off my rocker, huh, doc?

Doctor: Just a kind of a nightmare that your mind manufactured for you. You see, we can feed the stomach with concentrates, we can supply microfilm for reading, recreation, even movies of a sort. We can pump oxygen in and waste material out, but there's one thing we can't simulate that's a very basic need. Man's hunger for companionship. The barrier of loneliness. That's one thing we haven't licked yet.

Ferris: Next time it won't just be just a box in a hanger, will it?

Air Force General: No, Mike. Next time you'll really be alone.










http://www.imsdb.com/transcripts/Futurama-Xmas-Story.html

The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


FUTURAMA


Episode 208

"XMAS STORY"


[Alien Overlord & Taylor. The department store advertises and Xmas Sale with "3% Off".]

FRY
There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me?

SALESMAN #1
Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court. Though there's a line this time of year.

FRY
No, I need to get her a gift. And I need it before sundown.

SALESMAN #1
Well, you can't go wrong with something traditional. A Surface-to-Santa rocket launcher. It comes with three jolly-seeking missiles.

[Fry laughs.]

FRY
That's funny!

[A missile points itself at Fry.]

SALESMAN #1
Careful, sir!










http://www.tv.com/shows/the-twilight-zone/where-is-everybody-12585/trivia/

tv.com


The Twilight Zone Season 1 Episode 1

Where is Everybody?

Aired Unknown Oct 02, 1959 on CBS

Quotes


Mike: Look, I don't want you to think I'm nuts or anything. It's nothing like that. It's just that, well... it's just that I don't seem to remember who I am.










http://www.imsdb.com/transcripts/Futurama-Xmas-Story.html

The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


FUTURAMA


Episode 208

"XMAS STORY"


FRY
That's a stupid animal. You're stupid! I said I want the best one. Now which costs more? The parrot or the Stink Lizard?

SALESMAN #2
The lizards are a buck each, the parrot is $500.

[Fry whistles.]

FRY
That's a hell of a good parrot. Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right?

SALESMAN #2
Sir, the store is closing in two minutes.

FRY
Alright, I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait, yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes! The parrot!

[The parrot squawks.]

[Outside Joe's Ark Pet Store. Fry walks away with his parrot and the shop closes.]

FRY
Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's gonna love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird! I know where you live.











View Larger Map



https://maps.google.com/maps?ll=47.617808,-122.192817&spn=0.006487,0.016512&t=m&z=17&layer=c&cbll=47.617847,-122.193637&panoid=8hjee8mYa_oIJcbJ3Ihgaw&cbp=12,3.28,,0,-8.02

Google Maps


902 110th Ave NE, Bellevue, Washington, United States

Address is approximate










http://www.leethomson.myzen.co.uk/The_Twilight_Zone/The_Twilight_Zone_1x01_-_Where_is_Everybody.pdf


THE TWILIGHT ZONE

Episode 101: "WHERE IS EVERYBODY?"


VOICE
(filtered) This is the Special Operator. The number you have reached is not a working number. Please make sure you have the right number and are dialing it correctly.

MIKE
A recording? (he pounds on the receiver hook and shouts) Operator! Look, all I want to know is where I am. I just want to know the name of this place.










http://www.imsdb.com/transcripts/Futurama-Xmas-Story.html

The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


FUTURAMA


Episode 208

"XMAS STORY"


FRY
Alright, bird, you thought you could beat me in a game of wits. But you just met your equal.










http://www.imsdb.com/transcripts/Futurama-A-Tale-Of-Two-Santas.html

The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


FUTURAMA


Episode 402

"A TALE OF TWO SANTAS"


SANTA
Let's see who's been naughty, and who's been naughty! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty! Shopkeeper's not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty! I saw that! Huh?

[He turns around and sees the Neptunians bring in the wheelbarrow.]

NEPTUNIAN #2
We brought your mail.

SANTA
Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know!

NEPTUNIAN #2
Don't kill us!

[They run off. The sack rustles. Inside are Fry, Leela and Bender.]

LEELA
Santa's a robot, so we should be able to destroy him with a logical paradox. Bender, you'd better cover your ears.

[She tears open the bag and they leap out. Santa's eyes turn evil.]

SANTA
Holy night! Intruders!

[He picks up a missile launcher and aims it at Leela.]

LEELA
Hold it Santa! Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are in fact, nice. I submit to you, that you are naughty, and logically, you must destroy yourself.

[Sparks come from Santa's neck. He jitters and his head explodes. Fry and Leela cheer but he immediately grows a new head.]

SANTA
Nice try. But my head was built with paradox-absorbing crumple-zones.










http://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=hawaii-five-0&episode=s05e09

Springfield! Springfield!


Hawaii Five-0

Ke Koho Mamao Aku (Longshot)


Just take your time.
Let me know if you recognize anyone.
Him and him.
Are you sure, ma'am? It was those two haoles.



- posted by H.V.O.M - Kerry Wayne Burgess 5:00 PM Pacific Time Spokane Valley Washington USA Sunday 14 December 2014