----- Original Message ----
From: Kerry Burgess
To: inspector.general@usdoj.gov
Sent: Thursday, October 11, 2007 10:30:00 PM
Subject: investigation of the attack on the USS Cole DDG 67
To: Office of the Inspector General, Department of Justice
From: Kerry W. Burgess (official United States federal undercover identity, an identity completely compromised by forces hostile to the United States of America)
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/houseboat
to travel or live on a houseboat.
[Origin: 1780–90; house + boat]
http://www.navysite.de/dd/ddg67.htm
USS Cole (DDG 67)
USS COLE is the 17th ARLEIGH BURKE class guided missile destroyer and the eighth ship of that class built by Ingalls.
Crew: 23 Officers, 24 Chief Petty Officers and 291 Enlisted
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/VFA-143
Strike Fighter Squadron 143 (VFA-143) also known as the "Pukin Dogs" are a United States Navy strike fighter squadron based at Naval Air Station Oceana, Virginia. The Pukin Dogs are an operational fleet squadron and flying the F/A-18E Super Hornet.
In 1974 VF-143 transitioned to the F-14 Tomcat and after the transition was complete they moved from NAS Miramar to NAS Oceana in 1976. VF-143 was soon a TARPS equipped squadron and as such had provided the first time imagery of the new Soviet aircraft carrier Novorossiysk and the new Soviet Slava class cruiser. On August 5, 1983, VF-143 intercepted five MiG-23s some 220 kilomters south of the USS Eisenhower when on deployment in the Mediterranean Sea, No weapons were ever fired during these encouters but the situation was "very tense".[3] The Pukin’ Dogs became the first to fly combat TARPS missions when they flew 45 combat reconnaissance sorties over Lebanon in the autumn of 1983. VF-143 was also one of the first squadrons to deploy with the F-14A(+) (later renamed F-14B), this occurred in March 1990 aboard the USS Dwight D. Eisenhower (CVN-69).[2]
From 10/12/2000 (USS Cole) to 12/10/2000 ("The Great Money Caper") is: 59 days
http://www.snpp.com/episodes/CABF03
The Great Money Caper
Original Airdate on FOX: 10-Dec-2000
[TVGuide.com] With Homer-logical justification, Bart and Homer go on the grift, and do fairly well before joining a more experienced con man for a big score. Dan Castellaneta, Nancy Cartwright, Julie Kavner.
Couch: The couch is underwater. The Simpsons, wearing scuba wetsuits, swim to their usual spots. After they're settled in, the camera pulls back to reveal the couch is in a giant fishbowl.
- "FBI man's" badge
COLGATE CAVITY PATROL
[seal] CCP [tooth]
OFFICIAL AGENT [signature]
Homer: Thanks! It took a lot of grifting! [Bart jabs him]
Bart: Please, FBI man, don't throw us in jail! We just made one mistake!
Homer: Yeah, we're not criminals, we're just two crazy, mixed-up kids!
[they arrive at the station]
FBI Agent: Hmm ... okay, tell you what -- I'll let you turn yourselves in. Maybe they'll go easier on you.
Homer: You'd do that for us?!
FBI Agent: [unlocks their handcuffs] Well, I *did* ruin the boy's birthday cake. Go on in ... [sternly:] but I'll be watching!
[on the way up the stairs, Homer tells Bart that he's got an idea]
Homer: Chief, I'd like to scare my son straight. Could I show him a jail cell?
Wiggum: Sure, I'll put you in the Rick James suite -- it's super-freaky.
[in the cell, Bart and Homer look out the window to the FBI agent]
Bart: Okay, we're all locked up now!
Homer: Yeah! [quietly:] You big idiot!
FBI Agent: Excellent! I guess I'll just be swiping your car now.
Homer: Wha...?
FBI Agent: Oh, and this lovely bag of cash! [the money from the previous scam, labeled "evidence"] So long, suckers! Woo-hoo!
[drives off and throws his badge into the jail cell]
Bart: That's not an FBI badge!
Homer: Colgate Cavity Patrol?! [groans]
Bart: That guy was a grifter.
Homer: Yeah, and he conned us good. Well, at least we still have our jobs at the sweepstakes place.
-- "The Great Money Caper"
% Walking home, Bart and Homer realize they need an explanation for the
% missing car.
Homer: Lies got us into this mess, Son. From now on, it's honesty all the way.
[at Home]
Marge: You were carjacked ... in the church parking lot?!
Homer: Absolutely. We had stopped in for a quick prayer, when -- Bart, would you call him a crazy man?
Bart: Definitely ... well, crazy about carjacking.
Lisa: What did he look like?
Homer: Um ... let's see ... he was ... foreign ... and he had...
Bart: Wild, bushy hair -- like an animal!
Lisa: Anything else?
Homer: Well, he seemed like a loner -- kept to himself, mostly.
Bart: And, he said if we went to the cops, he'd come back for Maggie.
Marge: [gasps] Oh, dear! We don't want that!
Homer: [quickly:] Anywho, the whole nightmare has really made us sleepy.
[forced yawn] Let's hit the hay.
-- Honesty, "The Great Money Caper"
% Willie aims the gun through the galley. Everyone ducks. A shot is fired
% through Marge's hair. Principal Skinner tries to calm Willie down, but is
% promptly shot through the chest. He falls to the floor.
Homer: Stop! This has gone on just long enough! Nobody carjacked me. I tried to pull a con, and got conned myself ... and then I lied to you all! [sobs hysterically] So did Bart. [continues sobbing]
Marge: [rings bell] Okay, players, that's a wrap!
[cheering]
Bart: Huh?
Lisa: Nice work everybody.
Bart: Wait a minute, this whole thing was a setup?
Homer: But Skinner got shot!
Skinner: [gets up] Yup, blanks and a blood pack. [squirts blood, which falls on Ralph]
Clancy: Hey, watch it!
Ralph: I look like cable TV!
Bart: [to Marge:] What about that bullet hole in your hair?
Marge: Squibs. [makes a couple more holes]
Abe: [pulls off judge mask] Yeah, we hornswoggled you good.
Homer: But what about the guy who took my car?
[the "FBI Agent" drives in the courtroom]
Agent: Devon Bradley -- character actor, dancer, singer -- I'm a triple threat!
Marge: He's doing "Dreamcoat" at the dinner theater.
Homer: I can't believe everyone was in on it!
Willie: Willie wasn't!
Homer: Wait a minute, you're telling me the police force, the TV news, a courthouse full of people, and a popular entertainer had nothing better to do than to teach me and Bart a lesson?
Lisa: I know it seems farfetched, even insulting to your intelligence, but there's a simple and highly satisfying explanation. You see--
Otto: [bursts in with a surfboard] Hey everybody, surf's up!
-- The hoax explained, "The Great Money Caper"
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/d/devo/secret+agent+man_20039801.html
Devo
Secret Agent Man
You know I live a life of danger
For the fbi
Keeping tabs on our nation
On the land, on the sea, in the sky
But every single night
Before I go to bed
I get down on my knees
And thank god
Im a secret agent man
* secret agent man
Secret agent man
Theyve given me a number
But theyve taken way my name
I got one hell of a job to perform
For the u. s. of a.
Got the responsibility
Of our nations top security
But every night and day
I salute the flag and say
Thank you jesus
Cause im, Im a secret agent man
( * repeat)
You know they got me doin this
Doin that
And a little bit of something else
Fighting cavities of evil
Safe-guarding americas health
But not an afternoon pass
I dont get up off my ass
Thank you god
Cause im, Im a secret agent man
( * repeat 2 times)
Cause Im a secret agent man
