http://www.excite.com/tv/prog.jsp?id=EP000186930518&s=201408311300&sid=82571&sn=FXXPHD&st=201408311400&cn=618
excite tv
The Simpsons (Repeat)
618 FXXPHD: Sunday, August 31 2:00 PM [ 31 August 2014 Pacific Time USA ]
Sitcom, Animated
500 Keys
After finding the keys to every door in Springfield, Lisa finds a hidden room beneath the elementary school.
Cast: Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith, Hank Azaria, Harry Shearer, Pamela Hayden, Tress MacNeille Executive Producer(s): James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, Al Jean
Original Air Date: May 15, 2011
http://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=the-simpsons&episode=s22e21
Springfield! Springfield!
The Simpsons
500 Keys
It was this or a Porsche! (exclaiming) (school bell ringing) (Barney belches) (whistle blows) (yells) (playing the blues) (tires screech) D'oh! (tires screeching) (grunts) I love your low prices, but why did these weddings get cancelled? Returned because of a fight over the prenup.
Aw That one there-- bride's dad made a racist toast.
(clicking tongue) She wanted a cake with blue rosettes, he slept with her sister.
Cake, will you do me the honor of making my stomach the happiest bag of acid in the world? You will?! (horns honking) Time for a shortcut.
(tires screeching) Woo-hoo! Dad, the cake! Dad, our lives! Fine.
(bleating) Uh-oh, they've got the right-of-way! Morning.
Guten Tag.
(all sigh) (humming) (tapping) Who's alone in the vehicle? Maggie's locked in! With the keys! HOMER: Oh! What's wrong? Uh, first the good news.
Two of your kids are not locked in the car.
Maggie! (screams) (sighs) (yawns) We've got to get her out of there! Babies aren't supposed to sleep on their stomach on a cake.
Okay, okay, the spare key is somewhere in here.
http://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=the-simpsons&episode=s22e21
Springfield! Springfield!
The Simpsons
500 Keys
Wow! The guys at the AA meeting will never believe this.
Oh, my God, there's the fire brewer.
The beech wood ager! The rat filter! (rats squeaking) The Duff blimp! Oh, how I'd love to drive that thing! (gasps) Really, Duff blimp? You really want me to? Oh, what the hell.
Life is made to be lived.
I've been buttoned down too long! (laughs) (laughs) Hey, Homer, I really had you going there, huh? Homer? When we see each other again, you'll be an old man and I'll be a baby!
http://www.snpp.com/episodes/2F15.html
Lisa's Wedding
Original airdate in N.A.: 26-Mar-95
Lisa walks up to Hugh.
Lisa: That's the book I need. You'll probably take forever with it, too.
Hugh: I can read faster than you.
Lisa: I read at a 78th grade level.
Hugh: [opens book, slaps it on a table] Right here!
[they both read frantically]
Lisa: [much later] Finish this page?
Hugh: Ages ago.
Lisa: Grr...
Hugh: I'll get the dictionary.
Lisa: Why?
Hugh: You'll see when you get there
http://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=the-simpsons&episode=s22e21
Springfield! Springfield!
The Simpsons
500 Keys
Could this key open? Get thee behind me Namuche! That's the Buddhist Satan.
Let's give it a shot.
No problem; just some cobwebs.
(screams) (gasps) I've discovered a mystery wrapped in a riddle in the basement of a lousy school! It's like five classrooms in one.
A science room, student lounge, mathnasium.
(gasps) An experimental theater all set for a production of Samuel Beckett's Endgame.
(gasps) A pull-down map of nothing? And this ruler is unmarked, and the tabs on this pop-up book have no effect.
And this tooth has no dentin! Everything is fake.
What is going on?! Mother, it is my birthday, not our anniversary.
Principal Skinner, do you know anything about a bizarre hidden classroom underneath the school? Mother, I have work to do.
Well, it's work if they pay you.
They say they're going to.
Lisa, I know every moldy inch of this unaccredited school, but I have never seen such a thing as you describe.
It's real! I can show you.
Well, I have a very busy schedule, but Myra, cancel all my appointments.
You're just pressing a Mento.
Very true.
Okay, let's go.
Hmm.
http://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=the-simpsons&episode=s22e21
Springfield! Springfield!
The Simpsons
500 Keys
Maybe this key will be the key to putting the "key" in anarchy.
Last place anybody would expect to see a moon: the sky.
(chuckles) (people gasping) Ow! (howling) MATRONS: Why, we never! (sighs) Good-bye, cruel world! (grunts) I'm alive! And you're my naked fairy-god-boy.
From 8/1/1946 ( the Atomic Energy Commission established ) To 4/9/1986 ( --- ) is 14496 days
From 11/2/1965 ( my birth date in Antlers Oklahoma USA and my birthdate as the known official Deputy United States Marshal Kerry Wayne Burgess and active duty United States Marine Corps officer ) To 7/11/2005 is 14496 days
From 7/19/1989 ( Bill Gates-Microsoft-George Bush kills 111 passengers and crew of United Airlines Flight 232 and destroys the United Airlines Flight 232 aircraft because I was a passenger of United Airlines Flight 232 as United States Navy Petty Officer Second Class Kerry Wayne Burgess and I was assigned to maintain custody of a non-violent offender military prisoner of the United States ) To 7/11/2005 ( RACKETEER INFLUENCED AND CORRUPT ORGANIZATIONS US Title 18 - the George W. Bush remarks at FBI National Academy Quantico Virginia as scheduled severe criminal and global terrorism activity against the United States of America ) is 5836 days
From 11/2/1965 ( my birth date in Antlers Oklahoma USA and my birthdate as the known official Deputy United States Marshal Kerry Wayne Burgess and active duty United States Marine Corps officer ) To 10/25/1981 ( premiere US TV series "Today's F.B.I." ) is 5836 days
[ See also: http://hvom.blogspot.com/2014/03/new-york-undercover.html ]
[ See also: http://hvom.blogspot.com/2014/08/the-island-2005.html ]
http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=73894
George W. Bush [ RACKETEER INFLUENCED AND CORRUPT ORGANIZATIONS US Title 18 ]
Remarks at the FBI National Academy in Quantico, Virginia
July 11, 2005
Thanks for the warm welcome. It's my pleasure to be back here at Quantico, the FBI Academy. I'm honored to be with so many courageous men and women who have stepped forward to protect our Nation.
Today, we are fighting a global war on terror. And here at Quantico, you're training and retraining for a critical mission, and that's to defend our homeland. You're fighting the terrorists who wish to harm us. You're breaking up their cells. You're disrupting their financing. You are stopping them before they can strike our country and kill our citizens. Your work is difficult. It is dangerous. I want you to know how much your country appreciates you, and so do I.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0399201/releaseinfo
IMDb
The Island (2005)
Release Info
USA 11 July 2005 (New York City, New York) (premiere)
http://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=the-simpsons&episode=s22e21
Springfield! Springfield!
The Simpsons
500 Keys
Lisa Simpson may be onto us.
I oversee 14 schools, Seymour, and for some reason, I always find myself talking to you about one of the Simpsons kids! Now Oh, my God, there she is.
Act natural.
Act natural! Oh.
Oh, hello, student.
Um, we were just standing here discussing how we have no, uh, secrets.
And nothing to hide.
I'll just take that key back now.
What? No! Give me that! (both grunting) Ah! Backing away from something, Lisa? (Homer screaming) I've got to get back in that room, but Skinner took away the only key.
What would Nancy Drew do? Oh, don't you worry.
I'll get my friends The Hardy Boys to help.
(gasps) Extra! Read all about it! Lisa's a liar! Pants on fire! (Lisa groans) (siren wailing) Pull over before somebody gets hurt! HOMER: So long, suckers! Oh! Oh, the Zoomanity!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1628661/quotes
IMDb
The Simpsons (TV Series)
500 Keys (2011)
Quotes
Bart Simpson: [after Lisa and Homer fall of the Duff blimp] There's nothing I can do to save my sister, the blimp, or this airship.
http://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=the-simpsons&episode=s22e21
Springfield! Springfield!
The Simpsons
500 Keys
I've got to get back in that room, but Skinner took away the only key.
What would Nancy Drew do? Oh, don't you worry.
I'll get my friends The Hardy Boys to help.
(gasps) Extra! Read all about it! Lisa's a liar! Pants on fire! (Lisa groans) (siren wailing) Pull over before somebody gets hurt! HOMER: So long, suckers! Oh! Oh, the Zoomanity! Aha! Hi, my name is Lisa Simpson.
Ah, yes, the Simpsons: a notch and a bump, two notches and a bump.
That's us.
Do you think you could reproduce the key in this photo? Yeah, but it's gonna cost ya.
How much? $1.
85.
If you want that little plastic ring around it, now that's gonna cost you another seven cents.
Keep the change.
Yes, ma'am! (school bell rings) (kids chattering excitedly) How did this bookshelf get here so fast? I bet it's shoddy.
What do you think of that, Nancy Drew? Geez, they're dropping like flies.
"The children are on bus 23.
" (screams) (gasps) (groans) I'm so sick of keys.
http://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=the-simpsons&episode=s22e21
Springfield! Springfield!
The Simpsons
500 Keys
You know anything about Bus 23? Whoa, Goldilocks! You best be leaving those bowls of porridge alone.
There's only one bed that's just right for me, the bed with the truth in it.
Which is probably the third one.
All right, I'll tell you.
I'll tell you about Bus 23.
It was a cold winter-- two-vest cold.
A bus was loaded with kids for a field trip.
I was gonna shake 'em down for field trip money, but what I heard shook me worse than my dad when I was a baby.
Sir, this bus is too heavy to cross the ice bridge.
They'll have to take a more circuitous route.
There's no time to be safe! Now bang the side of that bus! Bang it twice! NELSON: That bus never came back.
So the answer to our mystery lies on the other side of that ice bridge.
But it's summertime.
The ice bridge will be a water nothing.
Hey, kids! If I tossed you guys a bucket full of something, could you pour it out and toss the bucket back up? Don't drink it! That's where the ice bridge would be.
Go down! (nervous grunting) (Homer screams) Dad, stop! But, oh, there's so many buttons! (grunts) (screaming) Ooh! (screaming) (screams) Bart, take the controls! What video game is this like? Blimp Assassin 3.
For Wii or Xbox? Xbox.
Original or 360? Fly the blimp, you spoiled kid! (gasps) I'll save you, honey! Boy, stomp on my head! Yes! And I've got gum on my shoe! You're a real jerk! (panting) Why you undead little! That's not a real arm, it's plastic.
That doesn't mean you're any better than him, young lady.
He could be a war hero.
No, I mean they're mannequins.
Oh, there's nothing I can do to save my sister, the blimp or this airship.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093493/quotes
IMDb
Mannequin (1987)
Quotes
Felix: We got him!
Mr. Richards: Felix, I want to get out. I want to get out...
Felix: Geronimo!
http://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=the-simpsons&episode=s22e21
Springfield! Springfield!
The Simpsons
500 Keys
(tires screeching) Not to worry.
They're just mannequins.
No, we're not! OTTO: Maybe we'll fall real slow like Inception.
Oop, guess not.
Shh!
DSC04548.JPG
http://www.e-reading.org.ua/bookreader.php/71211/Clancy_-_Rainbow_Six.html
Tom Clancy
Rainbow Six
CHAPTER 6
TRUE BELIEVERS
Shiva, she thought. Yes, the most complex and interesting of the Hindu gods, by turns the Destroyer and the Restorer, who controlled poison meant to destroy mankind, and one of whose consorts was Kali, the goddess of death herself.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081375/quotes
IMDb
Private Benjamin (1980)
Quotes
Judy Benjamin: I think they sent me to the wrong place.
Capt. Doreen Lewis: Uh-huh.
Judy Benjamin: See, I did join the army, but I joined a *different* army. I joined the one with the condos and the private rooms.
http://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=intruders-2014&episode=s01e02
Springfield! Springfield!
Intruders
And Here: You Must Listen
But I didn't know.
Sorry, kid.
No, you're not.
You're not sorry
http://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=intruders-2014&episode=s01e02
Springfield! Springfield!
Intruders
And Here: You Must Listen
Hey.
Hey.
Seattle? Uh-huh.
Yeah, I need to get to Seattle, too.
Thing is, I need some help.
Can you pass yourself off as my dad to that douchebag over there? Hmm? [Chuckles] Right.
Nice try.
See you, kid.
http://www.e-reading.org.ua/bookreader.php/80261/King_-_The_Stand.html
Stephen King
The Stand - The Complete & Uncut Edition
Chapter 51
After Stu had gone over to Larry’s, Frannie rushed upstairs to the bedroom. In the corner of the closet was the sleeping bag she had carried across the country strapped to the back of her motorcycle. She had kept her personal belongings in a small zipper bag. Most of these belongings were now distributed through the apartment she and Stu shared, but a few still hadn’t found a home and rested at the foot of the sleeping bag. There were several bottles of cleansing cream—she had suffered a sudden rash of skin outbreaks after the deaths of her mother and father, but that had now subsided—a box of Stayfree Mini Pads in case she started spotting (she had heard that pregnant women sometimes did), two boxes of cheap cigars, one marked IT’S A BOY! and the other marked IT’S A GIRL! The last item was her diary.
She drew it out and looked at it speculatively. She had entered in it only eight or nine times since their arrival in Boulder, and most of the entries had been short, almost elliptical. The great outpouring had come and gone while they were still on the road… like afterbirth, she thought a little ruefully. She hadn’t entered at all in the last four days, and suspected that the diary might eventually have slipped her mind altogether, although she had firmly intended to keep it more fully when things settled down a little. For the baby. Now, however, it was very much on her mind once more.
The way people get when they convert to religion… or read something that changes their lives… like intercepted love letters…
Suddenly it seemed to her that the book had gained weight, and that the very act of turning back the pasteboard cover would cause sweat to pop out on her brow and… and…
She suddenly looked back over her shoulder, her heart beating wildly. Had something moved in here?
A mouse, scuttering behind the wall, maybe. Surely no more than that. More likely just her imagination. There was no reason, no reason at all, for her to suddenly be thinking of the man in the black robe, the man with the coathanger. Her baby was alive and safe and this was just a book and anyhow there was no way to tell if a book had been read, and even if there was a way, there would be no way to tell if the person who had read it had been Harold Lauder.
Still, she opened the book and began to turn slowly through its pages, getting shutterclicks of the recent past like black-and-white photographs taken by an amateur. Home movie of the mind.
Tonight we were admiring them and Harold was going on about color & texture & tone and Stu gave me a very sober wink. Evil me, I winked back…
Harold will object on general principles, of course. Damn you, Harold, grow up!
… and I could see him getting ready with one of his Patented Harold Lauder Smartass Comments…
(my God, Fran, why did you ever say all those things about him? to what purpose?)
Well, you know Harold… his swagger… all those pompous words & pronouncements… an insecure little boy…
That was July 12. Wincing, she turned past it rapidly, fluttering through the pages now, in a hurry to get to the end. Phrases still leaped up, seeming to slap at her: Anyway, Harold smelled pretty clean for a change… Harold’s breath would have driven away a dragon tonight… And another, seeming almost prophetic: He stores up rebuffs like pirate treasure. But to what purpose? To feed his own feelings of secret superiority and persecution? Or was it a matter of retribution?
Oh, he’s making a list… and checking it twice… he’s gonna find out… who’s naughty and nice…
Then, on August 1, only two weeks ago. The entry started at the bottom of a page. No entry last night, I was too happy. Have I ever been this happy? I don’t think so. Stu and I are together. We
End of the page. She turned to the next one. The first words at the top of the page were made love twice. But they barely caught her eye before her glance dropped halfway down the page. There, beside some blathering about the maternal instinct, was something that caught her eyes and froze her almost solid.
It was a dark, smeary thumbprint.
She thought wildly: I was riding on a motorcycle all day long, every day. Sure, I took care to clean up every chance I got, but your hands get dirty and…
She put out her hand, not at all surprised to see that it was shaking badly. She put her thumb on the smudge. The smudge was a lot bigger.
Well, of course it is, she told herself. When you smear something around, it naturally gets bigger. That’s why, that’s all that is…
But this thumbprint wasn’t that smeared. The little lines and loops and whorls were still clear, for the most part.
And it wasn’t grease or oil, there was no use even kidding herself that it was.
It was dried chocolate.
Paydays, Fran thought sickly. Chocolate-covered Payday candy bars.
For a moment she was afraid to do so much as turn around—afraid that she might see Harold’s grin hanging over her shoulder like the grin of the Cheshire cat in Alice. Harold’s thick lips moving as he said solemnly: Every dog has his day, Frannie. Every dog has his day.
- posted by H.V.O.M - Kerry Wayne Burgess 3:03 PM Pacific Time Spokane Valley Washington USA Sunday 31 August 2014
