That notion of the comforter I slept under that resembles Phoebe's blouse is similar to a bicycle seat I bought back in 1999. A friend of mine was mildly laughing about it and I puzzled over why that was funny. She did it twice and was casually observing me as she pointed out that my bicycle seat was labeled with "Buzz off." I think she knew I am the person people think of as astronaut Buzz Aldrin.
I watched the DVD of "An Officer And A Gentleman" tonight. I am quite certain I have not watched this movie in the past 9 years.
In the movie, "Worley" is from Oklahoma, as is my artifical identity. It is funny to watch the movie and note that I was born in Antlers, Oklahoma. The character "Worley" had a brother was named "Tommy" who was a pilot that was killed in Vietnam. I have been thinking that I was called Tommy when I was younger and during my Vietnam days. I think my wife calls me Tom. "Worley's" father was also named "Tom." The young "Zack" is portrayed by an actor named Tommy Petersen. The actor who portrayed "Worley's" father was 30 years, 335 days, older than Phoebe. The actress who portrayed his mother was 29 years, 59 days, older than Phoebe. I am thinking I made those choices for those reason's. They aren't spectacular connections, but I feel it fits into the pattern.
I might have already been a Lt. j.g. when this movie released or was close to being promoted. It would have been just after graduation at the USNA, but I think I got a quick promotion to O-2 because I had been a Midshipman officer, and because of my past secret military service. I would have already been back from the Falklands War when this movie came out and I having been thinking I survived the strike on the HMS Sheffield and the Sir Galahad, among other violence, in between my 4/30/1982 graduation and this movie.
I don't even know if I remember my real identity or the identities I created for movies that connected to me. It is very frustrating and hard to articulate. And assuming I wrote the parts about his relationship with "Paula," that says a lot about my feelings at the time for Phoebe. It is.......something. She says she dares him not to fall in love with her. Why would I put that in there if I was not already in love with her? But of course I was already very in love with Phoebe in 1982. Why would I have made such associations to her? And I always took her phone calls. If she couldn't get in touch with me, it was because I was in some serious shit somewhere overseas. It is confusing. I get the sense that I work into my art a sense of imperfection. If I have this all figured out correctly, I have the just about the most enviable birth of any human so I create characters that are my perception of normal people. I probably do that too with the characters I created to portray Phoebe. It is not that we are better, I just want to see the world in terms of not having such a great birth and we were very lucky from our birth. I might have actually worked to keep Phoebe from......something. I wanted her to have a relatively normal life.
Imagine that you are an accomplished novelist with partial amnesia. I don't know if I am remembering my real life or the details about characters I created for novels and movies. Debra Winger's hair looks similar to Phoebe's hair from that time period. Also, I might have incorporated my feelings about seeing Phoebe in her movies into the characters in my movies. I can't even begin to articulate how bizarre is that realization. That scene in the bar where "Paula" is on a date with another guy actually makes me feel jealous. It is such an incredibly lousy feeling because I don't know. Or that isn't quite correct. I don't know why it makes me feel so lousy, is a better way to express that. Is that scene something I created based on real-world observation? Or did I create that scene to reflect how I would feel if I ever let Phoebe get away from me? Or is it because of that scene in "Fast Times" where she kisses that guy? I understand how this might have worked but I can't remember enough to articulate it. It could be that I feel how I would have felt if I had let her get away and I wanted to express that in the movie, but now I do not remember that she never did get away from me and that I never did feel bad because I let her get away. I incorporated my fears into the characters and now I am living those feelings, not knowing that it isn't reality. And literally, it is not reality, because it is just a movie. But yet, it really seems to be connected to my life, of which I have amnesia and I cannot distinquish the fantasy I created from the actually reality of the time. I feel normal though. I would think I would be a lot more screwed up in the head, but I am normal. I can have normal conversations with regular people. I just have thoughts that I cannot explain, but yet, the thoughts don't really bother me. I can lead a normal life. But I feel the need to express those thoughts because at some point, I started to realize it might all be real. And I want more than anything to get back to my home with my wife.
One of the actresses that portrays "Paula's" sister was named Pia Boyer. That reminds me of what I wrote about Valerie Voyer. I wrote that I thought her last name was Boyer until she gave me a business card. Valerie is the name of Phoebe's sister, according to information on the internet.
This actor was 333.59 months old on 11/28/1976. That is the day I recognize as when I launched from the Jupiter moon Callisto for my 4/14/1977 return to Earth.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0843221/
Harold Sylvester
Date of Birth: 10 February 1949
An Officer and a Gentleman (1982) .... Perryman
